Help Yourself

Let's be real here.
I'm not a very spiritual person.
I go to church because I think it is good for the community and my kids.
It's good to learn right and wrong, to always be working towards something, and being part of something larger than yourself.

What I do believe in is helping other people.

I am kind of an A-hole sometimes. If you're reading this blog, you're probably a little bit of an A-hole too since only A-holes find this entertaining. :)
That's why I think it's so important that I go out of my way to help people. Not all the time though. Like once a week max.


I believe in balance. And to balance my A-hole-ness, I go out of my way to spread a little love.

I believe God made us and wants us to do more good in the universe than bad.

I want my kids to be gracious and know how lucky and spoiled they are.
I want them to enjoy and know the importance of giving.
I want them to feel good about themselves when they help.
I want them to realize an entire world exists outside of themselves.
And I want them to know that even though I'm kind of a freak, I can also be nice... sometimes.

I think life is so hectic sometimes we feel like we can't help anyone even though when actually we are.
This video illustrates this perfectly.
So, every woman should watch this. Even if your not parenting small children, even if don't go to church, and even if you feel like watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills instead.

Some ways you can practice not being a jerk:

Take your Grandma, Grandpa, or any other person, who likes Taco Bell to lunch.

Write to a prisoner at your local prison, become pen pals, send him money so he can buy cigarettes.

Make cupcakes for someone then let your kids lick the batter off your counter.

Volunteer at your church. We just helped clean our meetinghouse last week! Get there early though so you don't have to clean the bathrooms. If you do get stuck cleaning the bathrooms, quit that church.

Make Dinner for a family going through a hard time. (or if you are like me, go to the grocery store and buy pre-made food then pretend like you made it even though it's in the store's packaging.)

Hand out Sunscreen to homeless people. I used to make those trendy hygiene kits for Ryan to pass out but then I read this blog, The Survival Guide to Homelessness, and figured sunscreen is pretty important if you are outside most of the time. Homeless people get wrinkles too you guys.

Play with your kids. Like, get on the floor, grab a dinosaur, roar, and attack them. They will love it.

My spirit animal Christie had a really cute idea she put on her inappropriate blog. Make cards with your kids and hand them out at an old folks home.

Have your kids donate the toys they don't play with anymore to charity.

Donate books and kids craft stuff to a children's hospital. Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City love this crap. You can just drop it off at the front desk.

Send a picture message to someone of yourself smiling super cute, like my brother Jake did for me. His adorable face brightens my day and restores my faith in humanity.

When someone cuts you off in traffic, try to not flip them off or use the eff word.

When you see someone and think something nice about them, tell them. 



I would think of some more stuff you could do but Ryan just yelled, "MOOOOOOMMMM! CAN YOU COME WIPE MY BUTT????"
And yes, I count wiping butts as helping others.

Easter 2016

My parents went out of town for Easter so they surprised my terror children with an early Easter egg hunt. They are my best parents ever.

We went to a family Easter egg hunt with my Dad's side of the family. That's one good thing about Utah. Family stuff. And free food.

Ryan is obsessed with my 11 year old cousin Ty.
Ty's sister is my kid's regular babysitter so they play together a lot.
Ty is freaking awesome with him. He plays with him for hours.

Ryan says when he grows up, he only wants to live with Cousin Ty.
I told him it's not socially acceptable in Utah, but if he moved to San Francisco he could find acceptance.






Since I forgot Tyler's 2nd birthday earlier this month, I figured I better put in a little more effort for Easter.

I'm not big on buying my kids a ton of toys for each holiday. I know people who for real spend over a $100 per kid on Easter presents. $100!!!!!!!! On toys!
My cheap A** cannot fathom spending that much.

Let's face it. They are middle-class white kids who live in the suburbs and have more toys than they need.

I don't want to spoil them and I don't want my house looking like Toys R Us, so instead of toys they get random food and whatever candy I've been craving.
 They are still stoked Easter morning and I don't have to find storage for more toys they won't play with after 10 minutes. Win.


Last year the Easter Bunny left an awesome treasure hunt for Ryan to find his basket. This year Ryan was hoping there would be another equally awesome treasure hunt.
Before he went to bed he had me write a note and leave out some old flaccid carrots that we found at the back of the fridge.

By the time the kids fell asleep I was feeling pretty un-Eastery.
I wasn't in the mood to make an elaborate treasure hunt, so I just hung up some balloons. Kids like balloons, right?

I also bought them some cereal and some cookies since we needed some snacks around the house anyway. Look how much of my favorite candy is displayed. They had no idea that I was planning on eating a good portion of it. And I did.





I did actually get a couple things just for them. $3 bubbles and a $15 slip and slide. We have a hill in our yard and the slip and slide is going to be magical once it's warm enough to use it. The boys were giddy about both the bubbles and the slide.

See? When you set low expectations, they are happy with anything.

Notice if you will, the lazy sign I made from the Easter bunny making an excuse as to why I didn't hook them up with a treasure hunt.
Ryan understood and wasn't mad about it.

However, he was a bit skeptical of the questionable bunny print/signature I threw on at the end.

I fumbled around trying to make up an excuse as to why the bunny print looked so jacked up. I couldn't think of any plausible excuse so I just changed the subject and offered him a bunch of candy for breakfast.

We did a lot of Easter crafts that day to make up for my lame attempt at being the Easter bunny. The kids were still excited the whole day and loved everything so I guess I still win?

I Forgot T-Bag's Birthday

On March 5, my cute little spawn of Satan turned 2 years old.

Too bad I forgot.

My parents called and wanted to come over to drop off a present for him. I was all confused. I thought it was weird they were giving out random presents, but I like free stuff so I just went with it.

About 10 minutes later I realized it was Tyler's birthday.

He's little and doesn't know the difference so I didn't feel bad... But then I felt extra bad for not feeling bad initially.
I knew his birthday was coming, but when the actual day came, it slipped my mind. #motheroftheyear

That weekend we pretended it was his birthday again.

I bought him a couple presents to open.

And we let the boys decorate/destroy the birthday cake.

Tyler loved it.

So far I haven't seen any signs of resentment from him for forgetting his birthday.
I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that when he's a teenager.

Even though Tyler may be a terror child at times, I love, love, love, love, love, love him.

Here's why:

- He never cries when I put him to bed.
- When he wakes up he just hangs out in his crib chillin out until I come get him. Sometimes he might yell "Mam!" or "Ded!" if he hears us walking around.
- He is weirdly happy every time he wakes up.
- He smiles all the time.
- He laughs in my face when I try to discipline him, then I laugh and he gets out of trouble.
- He adores Ryan and tries to do everything with him.

- When it's time to eat, he always gets out 2 dishes. One for him and one for Ryan.
- He loves when Husband comes home from work, Tyler runs at him and yells, "Deddy's home!"

- He likes to give hugs while shrieking, "Huggy!!!"
- His favorite show is Barney, and it's the most annoying thing ever.
- He sings bedtime songs with me every night.
- If Jared, Ryan, or I are ever gone, he gets worried and will constantly ask for the missing person. He needs us all together.

- He cleans up messes he makes. For real. It is awesome.
- He answers his own questions and gives himself permission to do anything - "Mam, jewelry box? ok.", "Cheetos, ok.", "Color on wall? ok."
- He is friendly and often says hi to strangers and gives them hugs. It makes some people really uncomfortable. Don't worry, I carry a knife to shank any would-be kidnappers.

There are a million other reasons I adore him too.

It's still shocking to me how much you can love your kids.

Next year, I'm totally going to remember his birthday. Probably.