Belly Molestation

When I found out I was knocked up I had a few pressing concerns.

Initially, I was most nervous about (in this order):

1. Being responsible for another human
2. Belly rubs/molestation
3. Not being able to sleep on my stomach
4. Stretch Marks
5. Childbirth - not the pain, but more the fact that tons of people are totally going to see my kooter.

For some reason people's hands gravitate towards pregnant woman's stomachs. I'll admit I'm guilty of doing it too.

I am fiercely protective of my personal space and was FREAKED out by the idea that people would want to fondle my unborn child.
So I had big plans to derail any unwanted belly touching.

I had lay awake many nights and fully mapped out the following scenarios:

  • Woman rubs my pregnant belly - I was going to rub theirs for the same duration
  • Man rubs my belly - I yell "Rape!!!"
  • Kid rubs my belly - I hit them in the face with it
And I was going to make this shirt -BUT.... it turns out I kind of like the belly rubs and they aren't awkward at all.... weirdly unexpected. And I feel dumb. amen.


  1. Ok, so you like belly molestation. Oh, and tons of people have already seen you kooter.... pregnany doesn't seem that bad.

  2. Just wait until you actually have the baby and the nurse follows you into the bathroom and asks you to pass gas. Then folds her arms and waits patiently...OMG (I'm speaking from experience, of course)! Giving birth was nothing but passing gas in front of a complete stranger? Um..I don't think so! Haha!

  3. ha ha! great, something to look forward to! but i must say, you do look awful cute with your little belly! and no amount of black tops will be able to hide it, so don't try.


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.