I'm the only person allowed to harass and threaten my family.
If anyone else does, I foam at the mouth, grow fangs, squeeze out chest hair, and drop actual testicles.
Even with my sis, Feg. I can be mean sometimes, but if anyone messed with her I would literally fight them. I'm talking hair in a bun, Vaseline on face, and a healthy dose of white trash rage.
I wouldn't even say sorry unless the judge made me.... but I wouldn't mean it. at. all.
I really hope nobody ever really hurts my family because I don't want to go to jail.
Unapologetic Mormon girls don't fare well in prison.
A few months ago my little sister Rachel showed me a whole bunch of text messages from her Ex-Boyfriend's idiot friend, whom I'll refer to as Kris Kerns since that's his name.
Kris was getting thug-style with his sassy texts. He called Rachel a slut, whore, and every other word regarding her proported prostituteness.
What an unoriginal idiot.
He also was a gentleman by telling Rachel how huge her ass was (sorry I swore Gayle!!!!!!!!), how fat she is and how ugly she is.
This is my Sis:
This is Kristopher Kerns:
Texts continued. He started threatening to fight her. A grown man trying to fight a girl.
Rachel showed me all the texts a few days later. I was pretty bored that day so I started frothing at the mouth.
I started texting him. He did not appreciate my refreshing wit.
Kris Kerns kept text-harrassing Rachel so I researched his Facebook profile and I drew him this:
(I covered up the bad word with green/sad face because this is a family blog and I am a lady. Also, if you don't think I'm a lady, look at how fancy I drew his name on the left. If you don't think that's ladylike you can leave this blog right now.)
He did not appreciate my artwork either :( so I sent it to a few of his friends and after a lot of funny texting, Kris stopped.
He has not contacted Rachel since.
I heard Kris got pretty mad about the picture and deleted all traces of it.
A few days later I received this:
BTW, I would like to set one thing straight. Though I occasionally harass my family, I would NEVER, EVER call them Fagita Pita.