One thing you should know about me: I have always been extremely creeped out by lobsters and crabs. They look like insects on growth hormones. They also marinate in poop, decaying flesh and other fowl things found at the bottom of the ocean. I get the heebie jeebies when I think of them. On the other hand, Jared LOVES seafood. This became quite an issue while we were dating.
Back to the story.
Jared and I got married in May 2005. Having been a manager at Victoria's Secret I had taken advantage of the 40% off discount. I had this sexy white outfit complete with feather boa and sequined shoes ready for the big wedding night marathon. I knew the feather boa would add that touch of class that one would expect from a girl like me.
Little did I know Jared had his own outfit planned. My mom (who is an amazing seamstress) and her friend Carrie conspired with Jared to make my wedding night a little more lively.
With plenty of hot pink spandex my mom and Carrie huddled over a sewing machine giggling like 11 year old girls.
On the big day, we snuck out of the dinner reception shortly after desert was served. We rushed home. Jared and I stepped into his apartment that was now ours. There were candles and flowers everywhere. So romantic...
As I locked myself in the bathroom to dress up in my sexy white number. I took my hair down and wiped off my makeup. After I was satisfied with my level of hotness, I slowly but sexily stepped into the bedroom, and came face to face with this: