My Kid Is Bad In Kindergarten

Little Cryin Ryan is growing up.

He started school last month.
I didn't even cry.
Just kidding, I cried once, then had a pity party for myself complete with a 5lb bag of gummi bears.

We went to the Back To School night to check out where I would be abandoning my child.
His teacher, Mrs. Wilson is super cute and around my age, I assume.

She had pieces of paper that parents could pick one to help donate supplies to the classroom.
Each paper had a certain item listed.

I took 4.
The teacher was like, "you don't have to take 4! 1 is more than enough. Most parents don't even take one!"

And because I usually do whatever I want, I was like, "I'll take 4, it's no big deal. Plus, I need to compensate for the fact that you have to have Ryan in your class for a year."

I went to Costco and bought a huge amount of tissues, paper cups, paper plates, and paper towels.

When I dropped everything off, I noticed that she still had a bunch of the slips of paper hanging out. I insisted that I grab a couple more.

When I dropped the second load of suck-up supplies off, Mrs. Wilson was really grateful. Once again, I mentioned that fact that Ryan can be a handful and I'm trying to make up for it.
She laughed like I was joking.

But I wasn't joking at all.

I try to volunteer in Ryan's classroom once in a while.
I was obliviously helping kids paint when I looked over and saw this:

Ryan was on the RED.
That little A-hole.

Only 2 kids were on RED and one of them belonged to me.

I couldn't believe it.
Just kidding again. I could totally believe it.
Why else would I spend $75 on school crap for their classroom?
I knew this was going to happen.

I talked to Ryan. Turns out he is well-aware that he misbehaves. At least he takes responsibility.
I grounded him from his Kindle.
Then I realized that was more of a punishment for me, so I grounded him from his friends and made him write a sorry letter.

If your kids are little punks, you can make them write apology letters! Look at this convenient free font:  KG Primary Dots from dafont.com

The next week Ryan stayed in the middle on GREEN for a solid 3 days.

But as of Friday, he is on RED again.

He said it was because he was talking to a girl about the bad-guy clowns "trying to kill everyone."
Fair enough. That's a serious topic for a child.

I told him it wasn't true and if it was true then it would be on the news.
Then my dumb-A turned on KSL 1160 and guess what they were talking about?.... the freaking clowns.

Thanks a lot KSL.

What I want to know is, is it ethically wrong to tell your kid that killer clowns only hurt kids when their clips get moved to RED?

I'm on the fence on this one.


  1. Gawd...the clown is all over the place here. I actually look around for him when I'm fumbling around for my keys and I live in CHICAGO! Never moved this fast girl!

    Your kids look like twins several years apart.

    Your guy has spunk! Call it that. 3 of my 4 were monsters in strict catholic schools and they are okay now. Don't suck up to the school or teachers...I gave my heart and soul volunteering and it made my kids happy to see me there in their prison yet probably made the teachers/nuns more offensive that I was 20 years younger than they were and took it out on the poor kiddos.

    You are doing good...you have that talent for making it seem like you can roll with it and you really should. The best is to come! ;-D


  2. As a former teacher, I hate reading about these types of behaviour "management" systems. Ugh. So not helpful, IMO. Talk about labeling kids and teaching them to compare themselves and other people with each other.

    But the other thing I wanted to say is that your kid's printing is really great for Kindergarten. I am impressed. It is way better than my kid's (also in Kindergarten)

    1. Don't be fooled.... His handwriting is only good because I printed out a letter for him using a dot font, so he just traced it!!!


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.