9.13.2013

Adam and Lisa


I have been promising my friend Lisa that I would draw a picture of her dog, Murphy, for over a year.




So finally, here it is:




Adam really holds the dog like that....
Lisa has huge amazing boobs that I am jealous of. She always hides them though. It took all my willpower to draw them non-pornographically.

They will be new parents in February 2014. Hell yeah.




9.11.2013

Types of Pregnant Girls: Part II of III

Read Part I here.

The Glowing Pregnant Girl


The more pregnant she gets, the prettier she looks.
Instead of people helping her, she does service for other people.
Glows even though she's not wearing bronzer.
Her house is spotless.
She gets dressed everyday.
Has a very nice pinterest board collection.
Pregnancy is bliss for her.
I secretly hate her.
She probably made her own custom crib bedding.
Se still makes her family dinner every night.
Craves healthy sensible food and world peace.



The Smug Amateur




Thinks she is righteous and inspirational just for having a kid.
Acts like she is the first person in the world to ever be pregnant and is better than you because of it.
Her baby's kicks are WAY stronger than your baby's kicks.
Lower than average I.Q.
Thinks that because she read a couple books on pregnancy, that she is a seasoned pro.
She loves to give unsolicited advice and recommendations.
Mistakenly believes she is a glowing.
Start fights with everyone because she is classy.
Imagines other people find her adorable, hehehehehe!
She probably blogs things like: "My friend, Abbie, really wants a baby... I tend to do that to people!" - As if her friend never wanted kids until she met the inspirational Smug Amateur.
Craves root beer and validation.



The Extremely Excited Preparer

Buys a stroller and car seat the week of the positive pregnancy test.
Has been a nanny and worked with kids for years.
Knows more about babies than most moms do.
Sucks for moving to South Dakota.
Probably has her hospital bag packed by month 3.
Is organized beyond belief.
Is so ridiculously excited for the baby, she can barely sleep at night.
Baby's nursery is ready by month 5.
Craves McDonald's and large bags of Sour Patch Kids.




Read Part III here.






9.09.2013

Types of Pregnant Girls: Part I of III



Being pregnant makes you notice other pregnant people.
The following posts represent of few of the pregnant chicks I have observed.

 It is likely that each of us embody a few characteristics from each pregnant girl stereotype. 
I reluctantly admit that I do.

enjoy!


Disclaimer: Any likeness to real persons is most likely intentional.



 The Organic Pregnant Girl




Teaches pre-natal yoga.
Card carrying member of the La Leche League.
Finds wearing a bra oppressive.
Fan of attachment parenting.
Plans on delivering her baby by herself, naked, in the woods, on the eve of the summer solstice.
Owns 6 Moby Wraps in different ethnic prints.
Will breastfeed until child enters middle school.
Craves kale and the sun on her face.






The Slut


Sees no reason why she should stop dressing sexy just because she's knocked up.
Her fake boobs are even bigger which is a great reason to take a bunch of cleavage baring selfies.
Takes pictures of all her material possessions ($400 diaper bag bought on credit, newly leased car, etc.) and posts on Facebook.
Brags about how she still wears stilettoes.
Still goes tanning.
Threatens to put baby up for adoption if it's ugly.
Is planning a trip to Vegas to celebrate the birth of her baby.
Craves salty foods and attention.




The Quitter

 

Pregnancy/Life is too much for her so she quits everything.
Has not gotten ready for months.
Shamelessly lives in pajamas.
Leaves her house only once during the entire pregnancy.... and that is only to deliver her baby.
Her house is a wreck.
Her other kids become feral.
Loves daytime TV.
Craves Doritos and sympathy.




Read Part II and Part III.