Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Types of Pregnant Girls: Part III of III

Read Part I and Part II.


The Nasty Sick Girl


Pregnancy is not kind to her.
She Throws up multiple times a day.
Most likely has converted one of her bathrooms into a puking sanctuary.
Lost weight during the first trimester.
Wears pajamas 90% of the time.
When the phone rings she lazily looks over at it, ignores it, then goes back to throwing up everywhere/peeing her pants.
Doesn't care if vomit is crusted in her hair, it's not like she styles it anyway.
Gives her husband permission to have an affair because she realizes she is that nasty.
Becomes a social recluse, almost everyone she knows thinks she is dead.
Her other kid is so sweet and nice but has a creepy evil laugh.
Craves Taco Bell and sedatives.




The Seasoned Pro

She is unimpressed when people have ONLY four kids.
Gives birth without breaking a sweat.
Can breastfeed while blindfolded with both arms tied behind her back.
Her advice is actually helpful and welcomed.
Makes pregnancy and motherhood look easy.
Most likely has a Mom haircut.
If you sass her, she will smack that smile right off your face.
Drives a mini-van.
Craves caffeine and collage tuition for all her kids.






The Cool Pregnant Girl

Dresses stylishly throughout pregnancy, even during month 9.
Does her hair everyday.
Her other kids are ridiculously cute and funny.
Cooks amazing food to satisfy cravings instead of relying on Taco Bell.
Showers occasionally.
Drops nice presents off at you house when it is a messy disaster zone. Then you have to have to threaten her that if she tells anyone, you will kill her.
Craves comfort food and a Target shopping spree that her husband won't find out about.



1 comment:

  1. Hahahahahaha
    Made my day. Week. Month. Year.
    Apparently I can fool even the craftiest of them all!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.

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