Types of Pregnant Girls: Part I of III

Being pregnant makes you notice other pregnant people.
The following posts represent of few of the pregnant chicks I have observed.

 It is likely that each of us embody a few characteristics from each pregnant girl stereotype. 
I reluctantly admit that I do.


Disclaimer: Any likeness to real persons is most likely intentional.

 The Organic Pregnant Girl

Teaches pre-natal yoga.
Card carrying member of the La Leche League.
Finds wearing a bra oppressive.
Fan of attachment parenting.
Plans on delivering her baby by herself, naked, in the woods, on the eve of the summer solstice.
Owns 6 Moby Wraps in different ethnic prints.
Will breastfeed until child enters middle school.
Craves kale and the sun on her face.

The Slut

Sees no reason why she should stop dressing sexy just because she's knocked up.
Her fake boobs are even bigger which is a great reason to take a bunch of cleavage baring selfies.
Takes pictures of all her material possessions ($400 diaper bag bought on credit, newly leased car, etc.) and posts on Facebook.
Brags about how she still wears stilettoes.
Still goes tanning.
Threatens to put baby up for adoption if it's ugly.
Is planning a trip to Vegas to celebrate the birth of her baby.
Craves salty foods and attention.

The Quitter


Pregnancy/Life is too much for her so she quits everything.
Has not gotten ready for months.
Shamelessly lives in pajamas.
Leaves her house only once during the entire pregnancy.... and that is only to deliver her baby.
Her house is a wreck.
Her other kids become feral.
Loves daytime TV.
Craves Doritos and sympathy.

Read Part II and Part III.


  1. Her other kids become feral? Too funny. Unfortunately I can see bits of myself in all three of these...

  2. Hahaha I'm totally the quitter ..but I also love moby wraps 

  3. I saw some of myself in each of these- haha. Hilarious, as always.


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.