5.18.2010

5 Years of Awesome

This Friday, May 21, Jared and I will have been married for five. Entire. Years.


Jared began humbly as "Lunch-break." The many boys in my phone were not known by their names, they were known simply by their place in my life or nicknames that my friends had given them.
Common examples include:
"Dermy"
"White Trash-eriffic"
"Rapey Jake"
"Short but Hot"
and "Too Tan"

Jared was dubbed "Lunch-break" as his apartment was down the street from my work. On days when I wasn't hungry for food I would drive over to Jared's. A quick make-out session later and I was ready for the rest of the day, hence "Lunch-break."

The only problem with this system was my family and friends constantly slipped and referred to my dates as their nicknames........ To their face.

I knew things were getting serious when I changed his name to "Jared" in my phone.

After asking me to marry him on New Years Eve, I canceled my date with "Rapey Jake" figuring that my new fiance might not approve of me hanging out with someone who has "Rapey" in their nickname.

We got married.
And we lived happily ever after.





5.13.2010

Shrek Crotch

I had a great idea this morning as I was running around late for work.

I could add spinach to my chocolate-banana protein shake! Breakfast with the added benefits of all the nutrients spinach provides! Seemingly genius. Plus my over sized carton of Costco spinach was going to start rotting any day.
I grabbed a handful of wilted spinach and threw it in the blender. I jumped into my work clothes just in time to witness my shake morph into Shrek colored diarrhea.

Still in a hurry I grabbed my lip gloss, candy and car keys. With the brownish green puke-shake in my hand I locked the door.... only to turn around and spill all over my pants and all over my porch.
So today I got to chill out at Joes Jeans with green rot all over my crotch. amen.

5.09.2010

My Mom is Better Than Your Mom

My mom, Erlynn, is better than your mom.

  • She taught me how to clean the house like a maniac.
  • She told me I was pretty even when I was ugly.
  • She writes nice notes to me.
  • She has never been mean to me even after I wrestled her on the ground in the middle of the airport.
  • She gave me all of her scrap-booking stuff after she realized scrap-booking kind of sucks.
She laughs at my questionable, inappropriate and often times tasteless jokes such as this: