Meet The Minions

Minion 1: Miss Emily!!!! Did you watch the Kim Kardashian wedding? OMG! Her first dress was my favorite.  

Minion 2: I don't know why she married Kris though..... He's not even that fancy. 

Minion 3: Did You know Lamar really wanted Kim and not Khloe? 

M2: Oh my gosh! Does Khloe know?

M1: I think Kim is soooooo pretty. My mom said I can be her for Halloween!

M3: I'm going to be Snookie! My skin is already tan like hers!

M1: Miss Emily!!!! You could dress Baby Ryan like The Situation!

This is what I walked into yesterday at work. I had barely laid Ryan down in the office before I was ambushed by this nonsense. 

Unfortunately, I knew exactly what they were talking about.

These 2nd graders followed me around all last year. 

I put them to good use. I taught them how to make copies, snatch Gatorade from the teachers lounge and now they know how to feed and burp Cryin Ryan.
They also clean the staff bathroom for me since I cannot concentrate enough to pee when other people's pubes are littering the floor around me.

Hence the name, The Minions. 

And I adore them.

But they have inspired me to not let Ryan watch cable t.v..........

Frank 2.0

After 5 months of being a stay at home mom, I decided I can't hack it. People weren't messing around when they said it was the hardest job ever.

So I got my old job at the Boys and Girls Club back.

I'm only working around 10 hours a week and can come in whenever I want. With Jared's new work schedule, he is home a few weekdays so he can watch Cryin Ryan for the few hours I'm gone.

I can also bring Baby with me if I feel like it. I actually brought him with me the past two days and Cryin Ryan was a little angel. I wish I knew that all Pee-baby needed was constant attention from a swarm of 2nd grade girls and a 19 year-old staff member named LaShawn.

On my first day back I walk into the cafeteria and was mobbed by all the germy little gremlins.

My favorite little boy, Frank poked his over-sized head up out of the masses.

Frankie Poo: Did you have your baby?

Miss Emily: Yes.

FP: Did the doctor cut it out of your stomach?

ME: No.

FP: AAAWWWWW! It came out the nasty way?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

ME: Yes Frank, I had my baby the nasty way.

Frank scraped his tongue with his fingernails to get the bad taste out of his mouth.
I smiled.

amen.

Plog

I dont know if you've heard about this new phenomenon or not. Probably not, because I am clearly on the cutting edge of all things poop.
One of my fellow "in-the-know" friends, Kelly, introduced me to it. If It came from her it is definitely going to be all the rage..... I think she is even cool enough to wear Toms shoes. Plus, I know her from my awesome church, so she is legit.

Ready?!?!?

It's called a Plog. You know, a Poop Log.......Where you take a piece a paper, a pen and your potty-training child and follow him/her around all day. Then you keep a ledger or log, if you will, of the detailed workings of your child's butthole and urethra.

For example:

8:25 sat, nothing
8:50 clenching, sat nothing
9:45 saw treats, wanted one, went pee

10:55 tiny skid mark, clenching tried, no poop

11:25 pee accident
11:45 little poo in pants, sat nothing
12:00 pee accident
1:00 tiny poop in pants, sat nothing, then pee in toilet
1:30 asked to try, nothing
2:15 said tummy hurt, sat nothing
2:50 clenching, poop on bum but not on underwear sat, nothing

4:05 tiny pee drop in underwear sat, nothing
4:50 pee accident
5:30 try nothing
6:15 "
6:30





Day #2
8:00 woke up full diaper pee
8:10 tried, nothing
9:40 clenching, underpants clean, nothing

10:20 pee accident

10:45 clenching, clean underwear, nothing

11:15 pee accident
12:00 clenching, clean, nothing

12:10 "
1:10 clenching, pee + poop in toilet

2:20 tried to pee, 3 tiny drops






Dont forget to include what you found in their underwear/diaper/bum. Feel free to enumerate the drops of urine your subject delivers.
Also, include any clenching that may be going on. If you feel like it, include what orifice is doing the clenching. Don't be embarrassed to note skid marks.

You can even do this with your spouse, siblings or other family members.... which is why I'm totally bringing my pen and notebook when I visit my family next month. We've been trying to potty train my little sisters for years.

Above all, remember, this is your Plog, be as creative as you want.

Please note Cutter's 3.84615% success rate! Go Cutter!
(By the way, Cutter is one of the cutest, funniest, most entertaining kids I have ever had the pleasure of egging on. I wish I had a picture of him that didn't show him in his underpants and I would totally post it.)