Vasectomy Consideration

Husband and I both come from large loving families with 7 wonderful children each.
Which is why, before we got married, we vowed never to have that many kids.

I never had a special set number of kids that I wanted. I figured I would play it by ear and the universe or my spirit animal would tell me when my family was complete.

Well, lately Jared and I have had discussions regarding a vasectomy.

I seriously can't get enough of kids. They are so cute, funny, and innocent.

I LOVE kids..... just not my own.


The problem is neither the universe or my spirit animal has given me any signs on what to do.

That's why I made this handy flow chart to help me and everyone else:

Hopefully this helps some people with their decision.



P.S. I drew an ugly picture of Ryan and he laughed and thought it was the funniest thing ever, so I guess I don't really hate my kids and will probs have more. ugh.

Art-ing

Everyone who knows me knows that basically, I suck at life. My few redeeming qualities include: man harassment,  the uncanny ability to go for days without a shower, making elf babies, wasting time and ART.

I am a little good at drawing crap. It gets my creative juices flowing:

It sucks to be good at art since it's super hard to find jobs/income to do it.
Why can't I be good at something that pays a lot of money? Astronaughting, engineering, or CEO'ing?

It's because I spent  my high school and college years drawing instead of taking notes.
My Binders were awesome, but I should have put more time into CEO'ing.
I know that I would CEO super hard.

My sis Fachel recently moved into her an apartment and needed some stuff to hang up. I told her to buy the canvas and supplies and I would paint it. Also, I told her not to worry because if she didn't like it we could regift it to someone we hate.

I had an awesome idea to paint her some huge angel wings.

Step One: buy supplies
Step Two: paint the base color all ever the board:

Step Three: paint angel wings:

See how easy it is!!!

My sis-in-law got married and wanted one of those trendy tree sign-in guest book things so I art-ed this up for her:

All the wedding guests use stamp ink and make fingerprint "leaves", or something pinteresty like that.

I also got creative with makeup:

A skillfully cultivated living Father's Day card:

And a stimulating sidewalk chalk paint creation:

Jared was pleased with my message I wrote to him and was glad that our kids can't read.

Sister Harassment

I'm the only person allowed to harass and threaten my family.
If anyone else does, I foam at the mouth, grow fangs, squeeze out chest hair, and drop actual testicles.
It's serious.

Even with my sis, Feg. I can be mean sometimes, but if anyone messed with her I would literally fight them. I'm talking hair in a bun, Vaseline on face, and a healthy dose of white trash rage.

I wouldn't even say sorry unless the judge made me.... but I wouldn't mean it. at. all.

I really hope nobody ever really hurts my family because I don't want to go to jail.
Unapologetic Mormon girls don't fare well in prison.


A few months ago my little sister Rachel showed me a whole bunch of text messages from her Ex-Boyfriend's idiot friend, whom I'll refer to as Kris Kerns since that's his name.


Kris was getting thug-style with his sassy texts. He called Rachel a slut, whore, and every other word regarding her proported prostituteness.

What an unoriginal idiot.

He also was a gentleman by telling Rachel how huge her ass was (sorry I swore Gayle!!!!!!!!), how fat she is and how ugly she is.

This is my Sis:

This is Kristopher Kerns:

Texts continued. He started threatening to fight her. A grown man trying to fight a girl.


Rachel showed me all the texts a few days later. I was pretty bored that day so I started frothing at the mouth.
I started texting him. He did not appreciate my refreshing wit.
Kris Kerns kept text-harrassing Rachel so I researched his Facebook profile and I drew him this:

(I covered up the bad word with green/sad face because this is a family blog and I am a lady. Also, if you don't think I'm a lady, look at how fancy I drew his name on the left. If you don't think that's ladylike you can leave this blog right now.)

He did not appreciate my artwork either :( so I sent it to a few of his friends and after a lot of funny texting, Kris stopped.
He has not contacted Rachel since.

I heard Kris got pretty mad about the picture and deleted all traces of it.
A few days later I received this:

LOL.


BTW, I would like to set one thing straight. Though I occasionally harass my family, I would NEVER, EVER call them Fagita Pita.