5.05.2010

Dragon Breath

My bi-annual teeth cleaning began with a bag of Doritos.

I worked that morning and the strenuous denim sales at Joe's Jeans worked up my appetite. I ate my string cheese, apple, and 4 bags of those cursed 100 calorie cookies.
But the vending machines continued to beckon. I ate a whole bag of spicy Doritos in 30 seconds flat. While breathing my dragon breath all over my work I remembered I had a dentist appointment.


I was exceptionally nice to my hygienist only because I hoped she would slip me some laughing gas. I asked her to hook it up but she giggled and thought I was kidding. I was serious. Dead serious. Laughing gas is awesome and I don't joke about it. But because she had a scrunchies in her hair and scrubs with cartoons on them I let it slide.

The whole time I self-consciously focused on breathing out of my nose, hoping the chick would not get a whiff of my partly digested Doritos air. Getting your mouth cleaned by strangers is uncomfortable enough, and having offensive odor emanate from your orifice only exacerbates the ordeal. Oh yeah, by the way hygienist, quit asking me questions while your hands are in my mouth.

Good news soon followed.

No cavities!
With the amount of candy I eat a "no cavity" appointment is considered a huge win.
Next time I will remember to only eat mint leaves and Altoids. On second thought, I'll just brush my teeth.

I will also ask for a hygienist that fully appreciates the properties of Nitrous oxide.

2 comments:

  1. I totally hear you when you talk about nitrous. To say that I love the gas would be an understatement...lol. I found a dentist to use it on me every visit....cleanings too. I fall in love with those ceiling lights every time. She even usues scented masks. Mmmm, I think I will go make an appointment :) How is the nitrous when you have it? Kenny

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  2. Totally agree with the Laughing Gas! Luckily my sister is the Dental assistant so I get it EVERYTIME!! Its a Must to going to the ... dentist!!

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Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.