Jake's wedding dinner in 2003 doubled as a brainstorming session. My siblings, Jared and I all convened to form a master plan of how to decorate our Jerk-off  brother's car after his wedding reception.
I immediately thought of pubes. Anytime you want to make something memorable.... use pubes.

But pubes alone would blow off the car and leave the parking lot a black wiry mess. 

An inspired stroke of genius by yours truly.

A healthy mixture of equal parts pubes and vaseline would adhere beautifully to the car.

My two younger brothers executed my genius idea. They had a mutual photography session while harvesting said pubes.

During Jake's wedding reception they snuck out and smeared the concoction all over the windows and underneath the door handles. It was a masterpiece.

Jake and his new Bride skipped out to their car. Chivalry prevailed as Jake grabbed hold of his infected door handle for his wife.

I stood in the crowd laughing harder than I ever have in my life.

Jake eyed the goop suspiciously.
"It's PUBES!!!" my brothers yelled, clearly pleased with themselves.

Jake chased them down and cleaned his hand on their faces. amen.


  1. What did your parents do wrong?

  2. Posts like this make me seriously consider if I am going to invite you and Jared to my wedding.

  3. The parents are as baffled as anyone else! I will say that the parents had NO CLUE that this was going on until the day following the reception when said mom went to print something on her computer and out comes a picture of one of the said children shaving his behind.
    At that point said mother went to said child and asked what happened. THen in all came to light, and the fact that Jacob came home to spread nastiness on doorknobs of said childrens rooms BEFORE he went on his honeymoon spoke volumes!
    Might I add that it was Emily and Jared's ideas, and that younger siblings carried those ideas to fruition. They were also ALL under 18... making Jared and Emily the only adults in on this fiasco! Of course, they just took a back seat, watched the whole thing and skipped off laughing.
    ...and a last note. Jake actually PROTECTED Emily when she got married and made sure that nothing happened to their car! Wow.
    I've had my say. Jake and Em have always marched to their own drummer... and said drummer is playing them a different cadence from the rest of us... except for maybe Rachel.
    Love you em. You are awesome. nasty... but awesome. :)


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.