Being pregnant has made my Dirty Sánchez especially aggressive, and it's always lurking around.
If I spend 30 seconds in the sun, I look like I have a full blown mustache.
It's especially awesome when I break out on my chin. I look like a dirty hipster with a 'stache and a zit goatee. I bet people assume I have liberal political beliefs.... ugh.
To combat my facial hair illusion, I have prayed a lot and taken the following steps:
I put on a mustache of sunscreen every time I go outside. I use one of those sticks of sunscreen so I can apply it perfectly to my Sánchez. I keep hoping that the rest of my face will get tan and magically blend into the darker Sánchez area.
Then I got an even greater idea - self tanner.
I have some of Lindsey Lohan's self tanner that Sephora used to sell. BTW, It's the best self tanner I've ever used. I bought a bunch because I knew Lindsey would screw it up eventually and I wanted an emergency stock pile.
I have been putting self tanner all over my face every couple of nights.
Step 1:
But the genius idea is that I take a Q-tip and wipe the tanner off my Sánchez area.
Step 2:
When I wake up, you can barely tell that I was an old Mexican man in my past life!
On especially bad days, I will also admit to generous usage of concealer and bronzer.
I really believed I was over creepy bodily changes once I finished puberty.....
Damn you pregnancy hormones.
