10.05.2013

Dirty Sanchez Returns

If you are not aware of my upper lip problem, you should read this post first.

Being pregnant has made my Dirty Sánchez especially aggressive, and it's always lurking around.

If I spend 30 seconds in the sun, I look like I have a full blown mustache.




It's especially awesome when I break out on my chin. I look like a dirty hipster with a 'stache and a zit goatee. I bet people assume I have liberal political beliefs.... ugh.

To combat my facial hair illusion, I have prayed a lot and taken the following steps:

I put on a mustache of sunscreen every time I go outside. I use one of those sticks of sunscreen so I can apply it perfectly to my Sánchez. I keep hoping that the rest of my face will get tan and magically blend into the darker Sánchez area.


Then I got an even greater idea - self tanner.


I have some of Lindsey Lohan's self tanner that Sephora used to sell. BTW, It's the best self tanner I've ever used. I bought a bunch because I knew Lindsey would screw it up eventually and I wanted an emergency stock pile.



I have been putting self tanner all over my face every couple of nights.

Step 1:




But the genius idea is that I take a Q-tip and wipe the tanner off my Sánchez area.

Step 2:



When I wake up, you can barely tell that I was an old Mexican man in my past life!


On especially bad days, I will also admit to generous usage of concealer and bronzer.


I really believed I was over creepy bodily changes once I finished puberty.....
Damn you pregnancy hormones.



2 comments:

  1. Oh, too funny, but not for you I guess. hang in there!

    XO,
    Jane

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey I have free hair removal at American laser for the upper lip. Mine was too blonde. Do you want me to see if I can gift it to you? Unless you are particularly fond of the Sanchez...

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.