Baby Showers and Slutty Lumberjacks

Baby sister Sara married the boy version of herself last December.
For real. They look exactly alike. 
I probs should blog about their wedding sometime because I have some awesome pics and video from it.

In true believing Mormon form, she is now seven months pregnant and due in October.

Mormons love to get married young. She was 21 and he is 20.
I know. It's crazy, but I can't judge because I also got hitched when I was 21, but at least my husband was 25 and had finished puberty.

Mormons also love to have babies right after they get married. It's basically a cultural sin if you don't get knocked up right away.
Like, when Jared and I waited 6 years to have our demon child, I was almost excommunicated and had to repent.
Same with every time I open my eyes during prayers.

 So Sara is going to have a baby real soon. I applaud her for having the balls to bring a baby into this world so young.
Anyone that has children young has my respect because parenting is HARD.

I would have been THE WORST MOM EVER if I had Cryin' Ryan at the age of 21. I would probably be in jail and my kids wouldn't know what "carnivore" means, or the different biomes on earth, or what DNA means.

 It would have been a disaster.

My mom organized a baby shower for her and baby Canyon. (You read that right, Canyon.)

By the way, I sometimes feel I should have named my kids something trendier as Ryan and Tyler will be totally out of place with all the hipster names in their generation.

I went on a Pinterest reconnaissance mission to find a theme.
A lumberjack/camping party seemed to fit the baby's name so I just went with it.

My mom and sister Megan did the fancy-pants food,  Sis-in-Laws Erika and Stephanie helped set up/clean up/make food, and I did the decorations. Stephanie probably did the least work out of anyone.

Look at this campy set up:

Too bad I didn't bring my good camera and I'm not a better photographer because these pictures suck.

That's as creative as we all could be. It looked better in person.

But wait, a few weeks before Stephanie had an idea that would make this baby shower amazing.

Remember Sara's Bachelor Party we threw her last November???
 If you have a strong stomach and weak morals, you can read them here:

Bachelorette Party: Part I 

Bachelorette Party: Part II

The highlight of the party was definitely my 37 year old husband dressed as a sexy cop and pretending to strip. 
My little sis was super grossed out and it was perfect. 

So Stephanie brilliantly suggested that Jared reprise his strip tease at Sara's baby shower.....
But dressed like a slutty lumberjack!
I just said, yes, yes, and yes!

I honestly spent more money getting the costumes together for the strippers than I spent on decorations. 

When Sara least expected it, Jared knocked on the door and did this:


My Grandma Alice was there.

I bribed my 2 and 5 year old into dressing up like lumberjacks too.
Because it was a baby shower and there was no choreographed strip dance, including children seemed appropriate.

Sara didn't appreciate our gift, but we are not sorry.

I guess this incredible idea makes up for Stephanie's lack of participation.

Sidenote: Stephanie texted me multiple times asking what she could do to help with decorating. I was just a procrastinator and made everything the night before. My fault, but let's not focus on that. 


  1. Sometimes I wish I was part of your cool family. But then I think of your gross brothers and I'm glad I'm not. :)

  2. I can't get the video to work and I've never hated the Internet more.

  3. Thanks for your respect...it's nice to know....

  4. Thanks for your respect...it's nice to know....


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.