Nasty House: Bathrooms

 Ready for some pretty serious before and afters?
Just a heads up, you will probably feel itchy, sad, and a little violated while looking at the "before" photos.

In 2008 we bought our house from the Catholic church, see the cross above what used to be a garage? They had actually converted the garage into a Chapel.... complete with an Alter.
A bunch of old sweet nuns were living here, but ready to go to assisted living.

Nothing gets Jared more excited than a super gross house that needs to be remodeled.
Look at the glee in his face:





My face is obviously not as joyful as Jared's. I am not a fan of living in gross houses, living through messy remodels, and spending all our savings on said remodel. 
Not to mention we had just moved from Ohio where Jared spent 1 1/2 years remodeling another nasty house he bought for us.

 Look at this elegant use of the color pink in an upstairs bathroom:

The crunchy blue tye-dyed looking carpet adds a touch of glamor. 

The master bath was even better.Who knew you could buy an avocado colored toilet???

 

When we moved in we replaced the floors but the colorful tile remained for the next 5 years while we saved up enough to remodel our house. Ugh. 

Here's the final product - main bathroom:

 

Master bathroom:

It took Jared over 1 1/2 years to redo them. Any money we saved by having Jared do all the labor was quickly spent on materials.

At least now I don't feel like I'm infected every time I get out of the shower. Win.

My Body is Angry

Last night and all day today I have had the worst cramps of my life. Instead of sleeping last night I rolled into a ball on the floor in Jared's office and watched Survivor reruns.
Here I was curled up in a ball while all my female parts did their best to kill me... ok, maybe not kill, but they were definitely trying to piss me off, and it was working. At one point I almost threw up on Jared's flip flops, I was so lightheaded I couldn't even walk to the kitchen to get juice.
It was Park Day today too. I am on spring break so I could have gone and hung out with some cool girls from my church and tease their kids. But no, my body had other plans.

I hope you are feeling really bad for me.

I got really sweaty and actually considered a home hysterectomy. I thought maybe I could call Rasputin up to come over and use his skills in wizardry to help me.

After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself, Jared came in a put me in bed.
I still couldn't sleep, so I hobbled into the office again. I searched the Internet in hopes of finding home remedies for when your uterus hates you.



I found the following suggestions:

Take Birth Control.
(Good idea if you're not trying to get knocked up, but Jared and I have been practicing furiously.)

Soak in a Hot Bath.
(Have you seen my bathtub? It's from the 1970's and I know for a fact that the old nuns have been naked in that very tub. Though I have cleaned it, the thought of pressing cheeks with nuns makes me shudder.)

Take Advil or Midol.
(Done. But thanks for nothing over-the-counter meds.)

Regular Exercise.
(I already do that and look where its gotten me, rolled up on the office floor like a scared rat.)

Use a Heating Pad.
(Jared and I can't even afford these Blue Steve Madden shoes I want really bad, do you think I want to spend my shoe fund on a boring heating pad? No. I don't.)

Have Sex.
(Yeah, that sounds awesome when I am bloated, breaking out, nauseous and can't even stand up straight. Great Idea.)


Thanks for nothing Internet. I'm calling Rasputin. amen.

My Beautiful Yard

Being a new home owner should come with a manual. While shopping for homes in Southern California my Husband and I were determined to find the best shack that our money could buy. If anyone is familiar with the housing market in So. Cal. you know that in order to have a nice house you must promise your first born as the down payment. Lucky for us, Jared and I are both relatively smart with our money and have saved a little while living in Ohio. We searched everywhere, but we had our eyes set on a nunnery across the street from where we were squatting. Jared's grandparents were kind enough to let us crash in their beautiful house for what turned into 4 MONTHS. Eager to have us move out, Jared's grandma Annette used her sweet old lady charm to get us the details about the possible selling of the nunnery.
We ended up buying this house the second we found out it was available. I later received many hate calls about our covert purchase.
The house is pretty nasty. There are handle bars throughout the house used for helping the old nuns get around. The cupboards smell like old cheap perfume. The garage has been converted into a chapel with a cross on the outside. It is also unfortunate that the front of our house looks like a mobile home.

On the other hand the yard is amazing. I thought that there was no way we could find a house with a yard in California.




The downside is that we can't afford the yard care services that were keeping the yard so beautiful. I now spend most of my free time trying to keep the yard from growing wild. I sometimes wonder why I am paying an insane mortgage to live in a nasty house, spend all my time doing yard work, and smelling the cupboards.... then I walk outside in a skirt and flip flops in the middle of winter.... it's awesome here.