Nipple #3

While in Utah, Ryan grew a 3rd nipple.

He was embarrassed about it so my sister, Sara, had to restrain him while I took a picture.

Every time we visit Utah, Cryin Ryan gets weird skin problems.

Once, his legs got all scaly like lizard skin.


Maybe he is allergic to constant road work, bad drivers, and people with perma-grins.

(Don't judge Ryan for his head being the same width as his shoulders)

Now that we are home, his 3rd nip disappeared. 

Spooky. 

Toilet Paper Lingerie

My mom threw my brother's fiancé, Erika, a bridal shower.
She put me in charge of one of the games.

You know that one bridal shower game where you get into groups and try to make the best wedding dresses out of toilet paper?

Yeah, we didn't do that.

Instead, I had everyone use the toilet paper to make their make the best wedding night lingerie.

I questioned how successful this game would be with our conservative Mormon family, but I specialize in all things inappropriate and decided to do it anyway.

I gave each group some toilet paper and a roll of white duct tape. I figured we would need tape since most of the toilet paper pieces would be pretty small.

I gave them 20 minutes.

Since there was a good amount of kids there, I drew huge coloring pages on poster boards. It distracted them while the adults were up to no good.

When time was up, I hurried the lingerie models into the hallway.

I turned on Madonna's "Like A Virgin" and had each model strut down the living room in their slutty homemade outfits.

After the fashion show, the models lined up while the Bride and Groom chose their favorite creation.

My dirty sister's team won for their sumo diaper/sex whip/nip tassel masterpiece.

BEST SHOWER GAME EVER.

Mini Batman

Like a lot of other Mormons, my brother, Daniel-baniel-fo-faniel, had painstakingly saved his virginity for his wedding night.

He had been dreaming of it since puberty.

He really wanted to make it a special experience that his bride, Erika, would remember.

Daniel's unhealthy obsession with batman fueled his wedding night plans. (You don't just give your virginity away without plans.) He told me he had been planning this since he thought of it on his LDS mission. Hopefully it was his P-day.

 

 

Thinking it was unfair that girls always wear sexy lingerie, Daniel wanted to dress up too.

He already had a mask and cape in his collection of Batman paraphernalia.
He would complete his man-lingerie with a sharpie tattoo of a bat on his bare chest.

 But no.....a naked Batman costume was not good enough for Dan.

I walked into my Mom's craftroom, days before his wedding, and found him making this:

A small black cape:

Dan started laughing and showed me a clay sculpture baking in the oven.

 

A small mask with one eyehole:
 

Yep, He made a small Batman costume for his penis.

...............And he showed it off to his family.......proudly.

I think Erika is going to be pleasantly surprised...or frightened....probably frightened.



hmmmmm..... mini Batman reminds me of other wedding night shenanigans.