Nasty House: Kitchen

We bought our house in 2008 and it looked like this:

The 1960's linoleum looked like it had a bad case of Hepatitis.
The grout in the tile counter top was chipping away, and our appliances barely worked.

It smelled old.
And not the good kind of old. This kind of old smelt disgusting.

It was livable though... and Jear-Bear has a thing for buying the nastiest house he can find.
I'm white trash so I got used to it quickly.

Jared thinks the only way to remodel anything is to rip everything down to the studs and start from scratch.

He is crazy.

 Is it just me or is it kind of sexy that he built the cabinets himself?

We moved our kitchen stuff the the living room for the 5 months he was remodeling! Lucky me.
Yes, that is a camping stove next to our couch.

When we finally saved enough money to remodel I insisted on white cabinets.
I am obsessed with white. It looks so fresh and clean.

We left a 36 inch space for an awesome stove like this one:

But since we are poor, we didn't have an extra $6000 to spend on a stove. We will get one soon though. Then I might feel obligated to actually cook for my family!

For now we just bought a cheap stove for $400 and will continue my crappy "cooking" in the microwave.

You all know how I feel about my sink.

We also went to a granite quarry to pick out the awesome granite.

I'm just happy that all my appliances are out of my living room and that my house doesn't smell like old stuff.
amen.

St. George With The Barlocker Fam

At the end of May, after our Vegas trip, we drove to Southern Utah to meet my side of the family.

If you've ever been to St. George you know how unbelievably hot it is there.
It got even hotter when these sexy people showed up:

Oooooooh yeah.
It was just a short little trip to get everyone together to remind us how awesome we all most of us are. All of my brothers and sisters (yep, even Fegan) came.

What is there to do in Saint George besides people-watch all the polygamists? Not much that is legal.

Which is why my Dad and Brother, Matthew, brought their Razors down for everyone to play on.

Matthew is one of the better looking members of our family:

 

We hung at at some reservoir with a red sand beach.

Ryan fell face-down in the water and couldn't get up. Matthew's wife, Stephanie ran into the water and saved his life. It was scary and I think I owe her a plate of cookies or a gift card to Taco Bell.

Ryan LOVED playing with his cousins.

Ryan also LOVED punching my favorite brother, Jake, in the crotch.

 Our party of 20 destroyed every place we went to. Outback Steakhouse looked like a zoo while we were all there. A little hipster joint downtown needed a new coat of paint by the time we were done. 

My Dad's birthday was the week before so my Mom and I decided to throw him a suprise party at a park. I decided to do the "Pretty Pink Princess Party" theme. 

I adore my Dad and just knew in my heart that he would love it.

We got to the park a little early and decorated. 

I pictured it turning out a lot cuter than it actually did. 

It took on a "White Trash Extravaganza" vibe by the time we were done.

 

Whatever.... At least we had PARTY HATS!!!!!!! 

My Mom and Dad pulled up and watched us all run behind the trees to surprise him.

We ate Kentucky Fried Chicken (which went well with the white trash theme) and played some fun Mormon games.

Ryan had a freak out after my Dad blew our the candles on his b-day cupcakes.
Ryan thought once the candles were out, the birthday was gone.
Serious stuff.

My mom is the best mom/grandma ever.
Her with Jake's kids, Brooke and Laura.

Titty Monkey Tyler was very sad when we had to leave.

It was a fun little trip, and Fegan only got into a fight with 2 out of her 5 siblings that were there. That's a 60% success rate! Win!!!!

Baby Anger Management

One of my favorite friends (out of the four that I have) came to visit last week.
Lisa is super lame because she moved to South Dakota and had a baby boy. We totally could have been boy-momming together, but apparently her husband is more important than play dates with me.

Get your priorities straight Lisa.

Let me start out by saying how proud I was of Titty Monkey Tyler's development. He is about 4 1/2 months and started rolling over. I don't really know the approximate age babies start rolling, but since he is my kid, I was pretty smug about his abilities.
Also let me just state that normally my kids are perfect and behave like happy little angels....

Anyway, Lisa brought Baby Caleb out to California for the first time. I have been wanting to see him since he was born in February.
He was born Feb. 14, so he is about 2 1/2 weeks older than Tyler.

First of all, Lisa looked all hot after having a baby a few months ago. What a ho.
I look like a tired, sweaty rat and she looked fresh and pretty. Great.

Baby Caleb slept like an angel for 1/2 an hour after she brought him in.
Then he woke up sweetly and had smiles for everyone.
During his cute smiling, Cryin' Ryan was running around desperate for Lisa's attention and Tyler was pooping his pants. Great Again.

Lisa laid Caleb down on his monogrammed blanket. The little punk rolled over and quickly got up on his hands and knees.

So much for being proud of Tyler's nervous, wobbly roll overs.

So as Baby Caleb is being happy and laughing, my kids were acting a fool.
Titty monkey cried the entire time. Ryan was showing off his 3 year old ninja moves and peeing his pants.

Then Caleb had the nerve to lay by my entitled baby and continue to be giggly and sweet.

 

I don't even want to think about the fact that he happily drank a room temperature bottle. 

If there is one thing I love, it's when other people's kids are clearly well behaved and mine act like caged animals.
I am honestly surprised Ryan didn't bite anyone. 

Lisa swore that Caleb is not a happy adorable baby all the time. I hesitate to believe her.
I think she was just trying to make me feel better. 


What would make me feel better is if there was a Baby Anger Management class offered at our community center.

P.S. Yesterday, Ryan got kicked out of his church nursery class. Twice.