Gigal Gardens

I spent most of my teenage years living in Salt Lake City, Utah.
There were a lot of ways to keep myself in trouble. Sneaking into community pools at night, working late at Taco Bell, and pretending I was cool on the video production team at my high school were some of the conduits to my teenage shenanigans.

Either way, I cannot believe I grew up here and had never heard about Gigal Gardens.
It's a shame because I would have snuck out and came here all the time.

Most Utahans have never heard of this magical garden.

Look at this place:

That is straight up Joseph Smith's face on a sphinx body and it's majestic.

This whole place gives off a really sacrilegious, Sunstone mini golf vibe....

BUT, it was actually put together in the 1960's by a Mormon bishop, Thomas Battersby Child, Jr. because he loved his church so much. It's basically a shrine to everything he believed in.


Here's the installation he made of himself, complete with brick pants:

I can respect that.


It's a relatively small garden/park. It only take about 15 min max to see everything.
It's kind of hard to find since it was built in the guys backyard.

Just use a GPS and this address:

749 E 500 S, Salt Lake City, UT.


Weird.

Memory Tables, Cat B-holes, and Phallic Squash

I've been pretty bummed since Grandma Annette died.
She was really one of my very bestest friends ever in the entire universe.

I know everyone dies. I know we all experience loss. I'm aware that Grandma Annette was old and had an incredible life.

But I just miss her.



I'm not a sad, emotional type of person. Usually, I laugh at everything, swear, make nasty jokes, and have a bad attitude about life. I am normally really good at ignoring my feelings.

I guess people can tell when you are sad and not yourself.

I've received comments and emails from you guys which is so kind. People I've never met offering me words of comfort renews my faith in mankind.

My sis-in-law, Stephanie, brought me bright flowers and sugar cookies. It was so thoughtful and nice that I almost cried on my doorstep like a little baby.

My mom brought me candy I like and a children's book that is so sweet and poignant that I can barely get passed the second page without tears.

 

My friend Gayle immediately texted me  from California - where the funeral was - and offered to organize the food for the funeral. She literally would have done anything we needed her to. She is awesome and has a equally awesome daughter named Lizzy.
Gayle even lent me white tablecloths


for the memory table (that's probably not the correct term, but it's the tables in the reception area at a funeral where you put a guestbook and a ton of pictures.)

It was so nice of her to trust me with anything white.


Then a few days ago I found a huge phallic squash placed on my doormat.

If the giver of this was trying to make me feel better by giving me penis shaped food it totally worked.
If the giver was simply sharing their harvest it still made me laugh because I'm a 10 year old boy who laughs at wiener stuff.

My "I look hotter than you in a bikini" friend, Christie, sent me a card all the way from Florida.
The envelope was deceiving and didn't prepare me for what was inside.


Look at what her innocent little boy drew on the envelope.

I opened it up and found myself staring into this:

A cartoon cat's butt-hole.
What is wrong with her?

I always knew Christie was a good artist, but this could be her best drawing yet.

 A seriously heartwarming note was written inside.

It's nice to have friends that just get you.


P.S. My kitten lays on it's back when I hold him.

(BTW, Christie, you should draw and post it on your blog. Do what I say.)

Baby Showers and Slutty Lumberjacks

Baby sister Sara married the boy version of herself last December.
For real. They look exactly alike. 
I probs should blog about their wedding sometime because I have some awesome pics and video from it.

In true believing Mormon form, she is now seven months pregnant and due in October.

Mormons love to get married young. She was 21 and he is 20.
I know. It's crazy, but I can't judge because I also got hitched when I was 21, but at least my husband was 25 and had finished puberty.

Mormons also love to have babies right after they get married. It's basically a cultural sin if you don't get knocked up right away.
Like, when Jared and I waited 6 years to have our demon child, I was almost excommunicated and had to repent.
Same with every time I open my eyes during prayers.

 So Sara is going to have a baby real soon. I applaud her for having the balls to bring a baby into this world so young.
Anyone that has children young has my respect because parenting is HARD.


I would have been THE WORST MOM EVER if I had Cryin' Ryan at the age of 21. I would probably be in jail and my kids wouldn't know what "carnivore" means, or the different biomes on earth, or what DNA means.

 It would have been a disaster.


My mom organized a baby shower for her and baby Canyon. (You read that right, Canyon.)

By the way, I sometimes feel I should have named my kids something trendier as Ryan and Tyler will be totally out of place with all the hipster names in their generation.

I went on a Pinterest reconnaissance mission to find a theme.
A lumberjack/camping party seemed to fit the baby's name so I just went with it.



My mom and sister Megan did the fancy-pants food,  Sis-in-Laws Erika and Stephanie helped set up/clean up/make food, and I did the decorations. Stephanie probably did the least work out of anyone.



Look at this campy set up:

Too bad I didn't bring my good camera and I'm not a better photographer because these pictures suck.

That's as creative as we all could be. It looked better in person.

But wait, a few weeks before Stephanie had an idea that would make this baby shower amazing.

Remember Sara's Bachelor Party we threw her last November???
 If you have a strong stomach and weak morals, you can read them here:

Bachelorette Party: Part I 

Bachelorette Party: Part II

The highlight of the party was definitely my 37 year old husband dressed as a sexy cop and pretending to strip. 

My little sis was super grossed out and it was perfect. 

So Stephanie brilliantly suggested that Jared reprise his strip tease at Sara's baby shower.....

But dressed like a slutty lumberjack!

I just said, yes, yes, and yes!

I honestly spent more money getting the costumes together for the strippers than I spent on decorations. 

When Sara least expected it, Jared knocked on the door and did this:

My Grandma Alice was there.

I bribed my 2 and 5 year old into dressing up like lumberjacks too.
Because it was a baby shower and there was no choreographed strip dance, including children seemed appropriate.

Sara didn't appreciate our gift, but we are not sorry.

I guess this incredible idea makes up for Stephanie's lack of participation.


Sidenote: Stephanie texted me multiple times asking what she could do to help with decorating. I was just a procrastinator and made everything the night before. My fault, but let's not focus on that.