My Temperamental Ovaries

So it turns out that a couple weeks ago when My Body was Angry, it was because an ovarian cyst had burst open. On top of that I also had a miscarriage. Sad. I cried. I didn't even punch anything.

Monday sucked too. Primarily because I had to get emergency surgery to save my left ovary. I had
an 8.5 cm ovarian cyst chilling out in my insides. So basically the cyst was 1 inch larger than a tennis ball. Ew. No wonder I've been feeling bloated.
My doctor, who was also the surgeon, had to
cut my ovary in half to extract the entire cyst. Supposedly it will eventually fuse back together and be fully functioning. Hopefully.

Anyway, I had 5 important realizations:

1. Its a good idea to go to the gynecologist once a year. Don't assume that since you are 26, can run a 7.5 minute mile and eat healthy that you are immune to everything.
I always ditch out on the yearly exams because I don't like people getting familiar with my girl parts. Little did I know that when something goes terribly wrong a small village of hospital people become familiar with them.

On Monday, 8 people saw my vagina and not one of them took me out to dinner or sent a thank you card.

2. If you have crazy cramps with bleeding, sweating, and you collapse when you try to walk, you should go to the Emergency Room. Lying on the floor for two days does not prove you are hardcore and tough. When you call your doctor they will make you go to the ER anyway.

3. Nurses are angels. I was proud of myself for keeping the hostility at a minimum when I came out of anesthesia. I even said "please" and "thank you", like "give me drugs right now, please", "thank you for more drugs" and "these drugs are pleasing".

4. I hate surgery. Luckily I only have 3 little incisions, but they still look pretty gross. I also hate not being able to recover in 2 days like I expected. I can run a 7.5 minute mile.... recovery in 2 days? Piece of cake. Not really.

I have decided that in the future I will avoid surgery at all costs.

5. I want kids.

P.S. The doctor took pictures of the inside of my body when they were removing the cyst, and showed me after surgery. It was awesome but gross. amen.


  1. You seriously made my day. Or maybe its because I am totally sleep deprived and everything is hysterical right now. Either way - vagina stories are the best. That takes 'balls' to talk about your junk ha ha

  2. Oh my gosh Em! That is so scary!! I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. I have a cyst too. Though its only the size of a ping pong ball right now. Should I get it removed? Maybe our cysts should get together and we can play a wicked game of dodge-ball...

  3. Emily that really really sucks. I'm so sorry to hear that, I don't know how you did it, even though this blog made me sad I still laughed out loud. Haha I hope you heal fast and get better. Good luck girl

  4. Who the heck gets there ovary cut in half?!I'm sorry about the cyst and the miscarriage having surgery down there sucks I actually have had a few down there myself, I was awake for one and there was a hot medical student with his face right down in there. Oh how I wanted to kill myself. Just wait till you have a baby it gets a 100 times worse. Damn being a woman sucks!


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.