Meet Rainbow-Loving Heather

A few things you should know my colorful friend Heather:

• She has been rocking pure awesomeness since 1984.
  

• We met as angst ridden teenagers.

• Her parents basement was decked out in American Indian paraphernalia. Dream catchers and detailed paintings of pissed off Navajos masked the wood-paneled walls. Rumor had it that the house was built over a ancient graveyard. This only added to the shenanigans at her parties.

• The devious look in her eyes is no mistake. Neither is the smirk. She is usually up to something.
  

• Heather is synonymous with "good time". Be aware that the said good times are usually peppered with inappropriateness on all levels.
  

• Too smart. Her life would be a lot easier if she was as dumb as she pretends to be.
  

• She makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.
  

• After a brief hiatus following high school graduation, my love for Heather was renewed when I started a job at ARUP Blood Labs. My new boss had recruited me herself at Victoria's Secret for my exceptional boob measuring skills. On a tour of the department I was surprised to see one of my favorite people chillin out in a cubicle. As Heather and I got all giggly and excited to be working together, our boss eyed both of us with reasonable suspicion.
  

• As a true Native American lover would, she drove me to the U of U or TRAX when I couldn't drive. And by couldn't drive, I mean my license was suspended for too many speeding tickets. My level of laziness could not have reached it's height without Heather enabling it. For that I am grateful.
  

• Many of my dirty jokes are inspired by her. If you hang out with her wear a diaper or a huge maxi pad. It is probable that you will pee your pants from fits of laughter.
  

Lastly:

• We are familiar with each others breasts. Don't' ask.