Lobster Pants

One thing you should know about me: I have always been extremely creeped out by lobsters and crabs. They look like insects on growth hormones. They also marinate in poop, decaying flesh and other fowl things found at the bottom of the ocean. I get the heebie jeebies when I think of them. On the other hand, Jared LOVES seafood. This became quite an issue while we were dating.

Back to the story.

Jared and I got married in May 2005. Having been a manager at Victoria's Secret I had taken advantage of the 40% off discount. I had this sexy white outfit complete with feather boa and sequined shoes ready for the big wedding night marathon. I knew the feather boa would add that touch of class that one would expect from a girl like me.

Little did I know Jared had his own outfit planned. My mom (who is an amazing seamstress) and her friend Carrie conspired with Jared to make my wedding night a little more lively.

With plenty of hot pink spandex my mom and Carrie huddled over a sewing machine giggling like 11 year old girls.

On the big day, we snuck out of the dinner reception shortly after desert was served. We rushed home. Jared and I stepped into his apartment that was now ours. There were candles and flowers everywhere. So romantic...

As I locked myself in the bathroom to dress up in my sexy white number. I took my hair down and wiped off my makeup. After I was satisfied with my level of hotness, I slowly but sexily stepped into the bedroom, and came face to face with this:

Yep. Jared in lobster underpants. Made by my mom.



  1. Emily
    thanks for blog stalking me. Love it! and thanks for putting those pics of Jake in a dress, it made my day....

  2. Quentin has an elephant one, gifted to him from my lovely sisters. What is it with family and animal crotches?

  3. My husband needs a pair of those immediately! lol :)

  4. When I get married, I hope my husband surprises me with something that classy and romantic, hahaha. That's so freaking awesome. Way to go, Jared.

  5. Your mom is a bad ass. That is awesome!

  6. I can't stop laughing. Tom said you had a good post up but I wasn't expecting this hahahaha. I think I need to go shopping for Tom or at least come and use your sewing machine more often so I could make him some priceless apparel like this.


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.