T is for Treasure

Idle hands are the devil's playground and this applies especially to me.

It is not good for me to be bored. I always get into trouble when I am board. Always.

So lately I've been reorganizing my house.

It amazing what you find while going through your stuff.

Here are a few examples:

1 Old embarrassing trophy from when I lost Miss Riverton.

 

1 velcro wallet

 

2 Awkward animals given to me as gifts.

• Red and White dog given to me randomly by my dad as when I was an angst ridden teen.

• Manatee given to me by Jared who often says that poo looks like a dead manatee.

 4 Creepy Saw movies. I have no idea where I got these or why they are in my house.

1 huge box of Condoms from Costco..... actually now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my friend Adrienne gave these to us after we had Cryin Ryan.











 "The church book"

used for drawing dirty pictures during church when I was younger.

 

4 Enemas I was too scared to use while I was pregnant and grossly constipated

 

 1 Bottle of Centrum Silver. Old people vitamins. I dont know where these came from either.

Who knew such treasures existed in my own house! I can't wait to reorganize the pantry!

Meet The Minions

Minion 1: Miss Emily!!!! Did you watch the Kim Kardashian wedding? OMG! Her first dress was my favorite.  

Minion 2: I don't know why she married Kris though..... He's not even that fancy. 

Minion 3: Did You know Lamar really wanted Kim and not Khloe? 

M2: Oh my gosh! Does Khloe know?

M1: I think Kim is soooooo pretty. My mom said I can be her for Halloween!

M3: I'm going to be Snookie! My skin is already tan like hers!

M1: Miss Emily!!!! You could dress Baby Ryan like The Situation!

This is what I walked into yesterday at work. I had barely laid Ryan down in the office before I was ambushed by this nonsense. 

Unfortunately, I knew exactly what they were talking about.

These 2nd graders followed me around all last year. 

I put them to good use. I taught them how to make copies, snatch Gatorade from the teachers lounge and now they know how to feed and burp Cryin Ryan.
They also clean the staff bathroom for me since I cannot concentrate enough to pee when other people's pubes are littering the floor around me.

Hence the name, The Minions. 

And I adore them.

But they have inspired me to not let Ryan watch cable t.v..........

Frank 2.0

After 5 months of being a stay at home mom, I decided I can't hack it. People weren't messing around when they said it was the hardest job ever.

So I got my old job at the Boys and Girls Club back.

I'm only working around 10 hours a week and can come in whenever I want. With Jared's new work schedule, he is home a few weekdays so he can watch Cryin Ryan for the few hours I'm gone.

I can also bring Baby with me if I feel like it. I actually brought him with me the past two days and Cryin Ryan was a little angel. I wish I knew that all Pee-baby needed was constant attention from a swarm of 2nd grade girls and a 19 year-old staff member named LaShawn.

On my first day back I walk into the cafeteria and was mobbed by all the germy little gremlins.

My favorite little boy, Frank poked his over-sized head up out of the masses.

Frankie Poo: Did you have your baby?

Miss Emily: Yes.

FP: Did the doctor cut it out of your stomach?

ME: No.

FP: AAAWWWWW! It came out the nasty way?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

ME: Yes Frank, I had my baby the nasty way.

Frank scraped his tongue with his fingernails to get the bad taste out of his mouth.
I smiled.

amen.