Halloween 2014

 I figured since Thanksgiving was a few days ago it made sense to do a Halloween post.

 I started October off right, by drawing uni-brows on my babies:

Gross.

We went to a free pumpkin patch (because screw Cornbelly's and their $15 cover charge). Ryan rolled around in a pile of diseased corn kernels.

 

After he contracted hepatitis, I decided it would be a good idea to put my tiny baby in it too!!!

After, we picked small/cheap pumpkins and brought them home. Favorite sibling Jake came over and made fun of an angry Titty Monkey.

His kids Brooke and Laura helped carve our discount pumpkins.

Another day, I spent my time wisely by dressing Tyler up as Little Critter:

Later in the month we went to another free event in Herriman city. I love Utah and all the free family stuff.

You better believe Ryan played in the straw pit. But lucky for me, I think he gave his hepatitis away to some other kid.

 

My mom's family party was the perfect place for Ryan to show off his skeleton costume to his beloved cousin, Aiden.

No. Seriously, Ryan is obsessed with Aiden.

Lets also talk for a minute about why Ryan was a skeleton. Its because he already owned the pajamas and the face paint was only $4 with my 40% coupon at Michaels.

On Halloween night, my bro Matt and his wife Stephanie invited us over to go trick-or-treating with them. Ryan was ecstatic he got to spend more time with his idol, Aiden. Their house always has good food and better company. It makes me happy that we moved to Utah.

And yes, we were all skeletons, because I already had black clothes, masking tape, and my $4 face paint. Maybe one day I will stop being so cheap about halloween, but until then..... SKELETONS EVERY YEAR!!!!!!

 

Hairy Lumberjacks

One of my favorite/inappropriate friends, Christie, came to visit a few weeks ago.  Now that I've moved back to Utah, she has moved away. Of course. Her husband is in Med school in Missouri. She really needs to get her priorities straight and move back to Utah, so we can have playdates.

I thought it would be fun to roll out a huge paper and let the boys paint nicely. Instead, Christie's cute little boy, Issac, was like "What in the Stay-At-Home-Mom-Hell is this?"

 

 

Clearly, I may have a kid-crafts pinterest addiction that I take out on any child near me. Issac was not even impressed by my huge roll of paper or amazing paint brush collection.

While Christie and I painted cute pictures, The boys dumped a whole bottle of water on the paper and spread it around to ensure our masterpiece was ruined.

After that disaster, we punished our kids by making them dress up like hairy lumberjacks.

My kids are used to being dressed up and peacefully submitted when I painted their beards on.

Once again, Isaac was not amused.

He was disgusted that Christie and I had the audacity to paint his cute little face. He smeared it everywhere while Christie expertly snuck the brown paint on here and there. It may have looked more like poop than like a beard, but we just went with it.

Of course Isaac managed to make a dookie beard look adorable:

 

 

 

Man-beard Ryan stares off into the distance: 

 

 

Tyler looks suggestively into the camera:

 

 



 

 

"What's up? My name is Christie and I like to look cute all the time so you look like a dump next to me! Hee hee hee!!!!!" - what Christie was thinking as we took these pictures:

 

 



 

 

Screw you for being a hot mom Christie. Screw. You.

 

 

 

 

Hot Sisterwife And My Parent's Basement

Guess how awesome I am???

A 10.
I am 10, awesome.

Why?
Because for the 3rd time in my adult life, I am living in a relative's basement.


First, Jared's Dad in Ohio - for 1 1/2 long years,
Second, at Jared's grandparent's California house for a short 4 months,
And now we are crashing in my own parent's basement in Utah.

We have the whole basement to ourselves. 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, mini kitchen, etc.

The view isn't bad either.

Plus, my parents have cable TV, which is why I blog less.

We are thinking of doing a less-violent version of Custer's Last Stand, and living here until my parents forcibly remove us.

Oh yeah, deers eat out of your hand here. Maybe I'm an 11 on the scale of awesome???

 Before we moved from California, Jared had accepted a job here, but promptly quit it because it was crappy.
Our first week here he got a couple of other offers. But since we love living in basements so much, he declined the offers and waited to hear back for a better offer.

He got the job he wanted (over 3 weeks and a trip to Cleveland later). We bought a house, but have a 60 day escrow. Which means my parents get 60 more bliss-filled day with my and my titty monkeys (Jared included.)

A couple weeks ago, my parents left on a little vacation and left me to my own vices (I meant to type "devices" but the more accurate typo stays).

Before they left, I told my mom that Jared and I were going to have sex in every room in the house. She said "too late." ew.

Don't moms know its funnier when their kids gross them out and not the other way around????? I guess this shred of human decency has no place in my family tree.

Instead of tainting every room in my parent's house, Jared suggested I "put something sexy on".

I looked in the family's costume closet instead and found this(!!!!!!!!!!!!):

Who knew I could look so hot as a Utah sister-wife?

Jared was not as amused as I was, and refused to call me "Sister Emily".

amen.


Note: While I have deep respect for religious freedom and individual's agency, I reserve the right to make fun of clothing and awesome hairstyles as I see fit.