Blog Apologies

Hey. I really feel it's time to say thank you to everyone that reads my dumb, trashy blog. For realsies. Kind, thoughtful, and usually hilarious comments keep me laughing which is one of my favorite things in life.

I love stalking my readers and creepily enjoy each post. So thank you, thank you, thank you for the free entertainment.
Oh, and if you have a private blog, screw you. You better add my email to your list: emilybarlocker@yahoo.com because I don't like my blog-stalking hindered in any way.

Ok, so I read a lot of other peoples blogs and am confused at the amount of apologies bloggers present to their readers.

  • I've been sooooo bad at blogging lately... SORRY!
  • My life has been too busy to blog.... SORRY!
  • I haven't blogged recently because I've been pinteresting and facebooking too much.... SORRY!
  • I finally showered and got my life together so I couldn't post.... SORRY!
  • My jail privileges were revoked so I couldn't blog for 12-16 months. SO SORRY! 

I never apologize for my inconsistent blogging.
Partly because I'm better than everyone but also because it's a freaking blog.
I'm inconsistent. So what.
You shouldn't apologize either.

So why do I even write this blog?

I write this blog because shocking and/or grossing people out is fun for me.
Once my kids are over the age of 30, I hope it will be an appallingly honest form of family history for them.

I love making people laugh.

That's why I draw, and that's why I write, and that's why I had kids.
The best compliment I can receive is someone telling me my adult acne is looking better or that my blog is funny.

Life is hard sometimes and laughing is as essential as breathing.

I like to think my trashy blog is contributing to the greater good.

If someone is having a bad day I hope they can read a post and feel better by throwing all their pity my way instead. I hope for the 3 minutes it takes to read one of my lazy posts, you are transported away from your troubles and experience the questionable world I live in.

That's also why I am so open about how messed up my view on the world is. Life is never perfect and honesty can be hilarious.

Some Researcher from USC contacted me about my blog.

He is doing some research on personal blogs about why people share their personal lives on the internet and to what extent.

I guess he wants to find correlations between basic demographics, political/religious views, whether you sit down to pee or not, and blogging.

Usually I would not participate in something like this because: lazy.

But my inner Sociologist got the biggest boner ever so I contacted the dude back and hooked him up with a lot of inappropriate information.

I hope the data I provided really skews the results.

Looks like my degree is really paying off when I can skew results for other people's graduate thesis work. At one point I answered that one of the primary things I write about is poo.
I don't know what's wrong with me.

Anyway, a picture to thank you:

Ew..... too creepy. SORRY!


  1. I love your nasty little blog---keep it up.

    I do make apologies all the time when I don't post regularly. I have a few different writing jobs and procrastination is my middle name. I apologize to everyone...even my dry cleaners when I'm 2 hours late picking my stuff up. :(


  2. I hate apologizing, one of my goals is to stop!! Unless,...obvious.

    I love your blog and that you say things like boner on it. Hahaha

  3. I want to be your best friend, but I'll keep stalking your blog in the mean time. I agree with Christy, you should say boner in every post. It makes me happy.

  4. I saw you at City Creek Mall on Thursday. I told my husband "that's the girl who wrote about a guy who threw fireballs in her college class!" I was too shy to say hello. I didn't want to seem like a creepy stalker.

    1. I really hope you saw me during the times I wasn't yelling at my kids, chasing them around the stores, or dangling them over the fish pond.
      You should know I would have been stoked if you said hi... ESPECIALLY if you did it in a creepy stalker way.
      Next time I go to City Creek I'll announce it on my blog so you can meet me there in sunglasses and a trench coat without any clothes underneath.

  5. Your boys were happily running away from you. You were chasing them down as you pushed an empty stroller... Just as I imagine your life to be like everyday.:) I will say hi next time, but I am from Idaho so it may be awhile.

  6. Bahahahaha! Still at airport. Still by myself. Still laughing out loud and snorted. All the people around me left.

  7. I made my blog private because I don't ever blog anymore, and I have no idea how to to invite people to it. Haha
    Also, your blog is literally the only one I still read. Makes me laugh every time. Please never stop. Also you should apologize to me when you take long breaks between blogs because I need the entertainment. Haha


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.