10 Things: Creepy

This is a list of crap that scares me.
Why write a list about things that scare me? Cause I'm too dumb to think of anything else right now.

Of course I'm most scared of anything bad happening to the people I love/like.
The following are minor things I find creepy and/or give me full body shivers.


1. Open Water - I'm not a great swimmer plus nasty things live in the sea.

2. Serial killers because Silence of the Lambs.

It puts the lotion on it's skin. PASS.

3. Poop. I really freaking hate it.
See?
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D

4. People who stare at you all the time. creeeeeeepy.

5. Dry skin. It reminds me of reptiles.

6. Squid and Octopus.

7. This dude from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang:

Um... NO. THANKS.

8. Big dogs.

I had a paper route in my early teens, I delivered papers on my rollerblades and got bit in the left butt cheek but a hungry dog. I'm still scarred, physically and Cynophobically.

9. Felicity from that 1990's show Tales from the Crypt:

 I just got the willies.

10. The fact that I shaved Ryan's head and now he looks like Russian serial killer Andrei Chikatilo.

(Note to future Ryan: if you ever read this remember I love you, you are handsome, and not a murderer.)

Creepy Tyler

It is with a heavy heart that I admit this, but my sweet little baby Tyler is a Creeper.
On March 5, he turned ONE. I never imagined that my child would harbor such frighting habits.

T-Bag is alarmingly happy and smiling all the time.
He has been exhibiting this creepy behavior since he was 2 months old. I thought the constant smiling was just a stage that would wear off eventually, but clearly it's not.

He often stares at people with a disturbing baby grin until the person looks back at him. Then he gets all excited and his eyes get big and crazy with excitement.

 Just ask my brother Matthew, who is often a victim.

If a stranger holds him, he smiles.
When he wakes up, he's smiling.

When I feed him gross food, he smiles.

He gets hurt and has a bloody nose, he smiles.

If I forget to buckle the straps of the carseat, he smiles.

When I get mad at him or tell him "NO!", you guessed it, he's smiling.

What a creeper. 

Oh yeah, 1 year old stats:
20 pounds - 15 percentile
I forgot everything else the doctor said since I am a bad mom.

Urchin Eating

Jared and his boyfriend, Stephen, had a novel idea.

Jared was in need of a little adventure since I had recently misplaced his Lobster Underpants along with his favorite hand lotion.

Let's not get into that though.....

The men decided to borrow a kayak and paddle out to a random place off shore. They brought their scuba equipment and took a few dives to gather ocean delicacies.

Behold the Sea Urchin

 Hours later Jared comes home with a suspicious grin on his face and an orange bucket full of sea urchins. 

He murdered them on our front lawn. 

The light orange blob on the spoon is the part you eat.

I normally refrain from eating anything that was killed on my front lawn, but after considering the fact that I have had WAY DIRTIER things in my mouth, I decided to try it. 

BLEH. Urchin is nasty. It tastes like how the ocean smells..... rotten and foul. And a little bit like pee.

Squirrel Mowing

Ohio brought many adventures, among my favorites is the lawn mower. You see, through a wild chain of connections Jared and I were able to finagle a deal to mow the empty lots of an upscale housing development. The neighborhood was just beginning development so while the streets and sidewalks were paved, the lots (where the houses were to be built) were covered with newly laid sod. Jared and I bought a commercial grade lawn mower that cost more than my car. We were paid handsomely for the weekly mowing and paid the mower off in 3 months. In time, we ended up purchasing a commercial grade push mower and trimmer. Once a week Jared and I suited up in trucker hats, wife beaters, pink bikini tops, and jean shorts to manicure Sweet Water Development's 10 acres of grass.


I like to call this picture, White Trash in the Summertime. I keep things classy.


I do not have the cleanest driving record..... in fact, I was just in an accident where some guy totaled my 3 week old, 2009 Honda Fit (insert tears). With Jared doing all the trimming I was left with the mower. I happily accepted my new task. I strapped on a pink bikini top hoping to get a tan and hooked up to my iPod. For 5 hours every week I did my best to make Dayton's landscape a little better. Zig-zag, heart, and star shaped patterns were common on lots 3-9. Jared did not appreciate my designs as they took 3 times as long. He also cringed every time I ran over big rocks. This only happened like 5 or 6 times a mowing. I thought that was a pretty low number considering all the rocks that were present. My underestimation of the mower blade clearance caused more problems than just shooting rocks everywhere.
Squirrels are usually skittish and when I approached one on the mower I assumed that he would run. Squirrel road kill is bad enough, but chopped up squirrel guts spraying out the side of your vehicle is a foul, foul experience.

Keep in mind that this is Ohio we are talking about. There was a man-made lake in the middle of all of this. Ohio is lush and green. Some of the prettiest parts of the US are in that area. I loved being outside. But the summers are hot, humid, and angry. I had to stay hydrated and became embarrassingly good at going "number one" behind the trees.

We sold the mower before we moved to California. I sadly kissed it goodbye. Mowing the lawn here in CA is much different. My lawn is only green beneath the trees that shade it. The rest of the grass is dying and crunchy. I still mow it though. And luckily we have a fence so my neighbors aren't creeped out by my pink bikini and hiking boots. amen.