1 brother's wedding to Stephanie in May 2007.
1 sparkly pink gown from Salvation Army.
2 patent leather stilettos circa 1985.
187 pounds of unapologetic Jake.
Mix together then add the coup de grace of all dares. triple-dog. No battles.
Slowly add 2 disapproving stares from Matthew and his new wife, then simmer.
Complete with an extra-sassy bridesmaid with a NRA membership, and sprinkles.
Garnish with beautiful spring flowers.