Tuesday, January 8, 2013

How To Piss Off A Scammer - Part I

The following post is a great example of what I live for. Messing with dumb people who deserved to be messed with. 
When my soul is hungry, this is the kind of stuff I feed on.

In early December, my little sister Sara updated her status on Facebook:


GUESS WHO JUST GOT A NANNYING JOB TAKING CARE OF THE CUTEST LITTLE GIRL EVER MAKING $2200 A MONTH?!?!?!! THIS GIRL!!! Thank the Lord!!!

Sara is a whiter, poop colored hair version of me. 
FYI: I am totally the prettier one.

I was all like  "No friekin way!"
But then I was like "Why is an inexperienced 18 year old getting so much money to watch a kid?" 
It Sounded a little weird, but I was glad the perpetually jobless Sara had decided to work.  

She used justcare.com to look for a nanny job in Salt Lake City. Sara saw this ad:
 
Family looking for Nanny/Housekeeper (Salt Lake City, UT)

She sent the following email along with her resume:
 

Hi my name is Sara Barlocker, I am 18 years old, will be 19 in March. I am currently attending Utah State University in Logan but am planning to move back to Salt Lake into my own apartment in December. So if you can spare a nanny until then, I am your perfect girl. I nannied 3 children two summers ago, a 13 year old boy, a 9 year old girl and a 4 year old boy and I absolutely loved it. Before then I was never much one for kids and I was mostly just doing it as a favor to the mom but during those three months I fell in love with those kids. I am a person who loves people. Hence my major in Anthropology. I want to spend my life doing what I can to influence people for the better and do my best to serve and learn from them. And I think children is one of the best ways to do that.
I am crazy fun. I know how to have a good time and be silly and what the kids will like because it's probably what I will like as well. But growing up in a family of 7 children, I also know how to be serious and authoritative and get things done. I don't have any bad habits such as swearing or smoking or anything so you don't have to worry about your kids picking things up from me. I am completely honest. Probably a little too honest at times but I figure better that than lying. 
There is a lot more to me but I would love a chance to come in and talk to you face to face about my skills and qualifications. You can email me back for contact. I would give you my number but my phone is weird and won't take calls from unrecognized numbers. But I check my email everyday so its reliable. Thank you for your time.

-Sara Barlocker

The guy replies:



I got your email for the nanny position, here is a lil about me.. My name is Reynaldo, my wife died nine months ago of breast cancer. I don't wanna talk about this but i think it is important since you would be working as Jane's nanny. Jane will be 4 years old next month. I am out of the state based on my auditing business that is really booming here in London and my girl will be arriving shortly back to the state precisely on the 28th of December, Jane is here with me right now for holiday.


After a serious discussion with my father-in-law concerning a proper care for my girl, we finally decided to search for a good and responsible Nanny. If you are a student you can go for your classes and report to Sarah as soon as you are done with classes. The monthly pay is $2200.00 for live out and $2000.00 for live in. We will be responsible for your transportation which in exclusive of your weekly salary regardless of the distance. You will be working with my sister and also a housekeeper for a while before i fully arrive back to the state.


We are strongly searching for someone of well mannered attitudes, neatness and good sense of relationship. We are a Christian family and we love our religion so basically everything we do is according to our doctrines, I don't mind your religion, but just letting you know so we don't offend you. If you are interested in this offer, please answer all the questions below so i can have a brief idea of you.


1) What academic qualifications do you possess?
2) Do you have any relevant certificate to back up your babysitting/nanny career?

3) How old are you?
4) Are you married?
5) Do you have a valid bank account?

6) Tell us more about your temperament ..
7) Can you handle money if you are given an assignment to carry out?
8) Is your husband/girlfriend/parent in support of you doing this job?

9) Which city are you located in?
10) How would you spend a time with my daughter though out a day? "Monday-Friday, 12noon-5:30pm"

11) What kind of activities would you plan for her?

Let me know if you will be available for the work offer and if you have any questions as regards this offer, feel free to get in touch with me. I await a response at your earliest convenience and also let me know if the hours are not okay by you..


Sincerely,
Reynaldo Carriere



 
Good Questions Reynaldo, If I were hiring a nanny, whether they had a valid bank account (question #8) would be of utmost importance. There is no way someone without a valid bank account would be watching my kid... people without valid bank accounts are trouble!
Mistake #1 Reynaldo. 

I also liked how he threw in the whole "Christian" claim. I completely trust anyone who says they are Christian.... especially random people I meet on the internet.

I had not read the actual emails Reynaldo at this point in time. I only had read the Facebook update and heard vaugue details about the job.
Still, with the limited information I had, I was instantly skeptical. I told my dad to check this dude out before my sister, Sara committed to anything. I was 78% confidant that this dude was either a serial killer/rapist or an internet scammer.
No one pays an 18 year old with little experience $22/hour. 
(Approx. 25 hours per week x 4 weeks = 100 hours per month / $2200 per month = $22 per hour)

As any 18 year old would, Sara took the bait and excitedly replied:

Mr. Carriere,
First of all, I'm really happy to hear back from you, and I honestly think, hearing your discription, I will be an awesome fit for you. I'm not even just saying that. But I'll be happy to answer your questions so that you can decide that for yourself.
1) I graduated from Paradigm High School this past June and that school changed my life. It is a small charter school in South Jordan that focus' on teaching it's students how to think not what to think. Because of the Liberal Arts cirriculum and because all of the 'textbooks' we used were classics, I now have a love of learning new things and am able to recognize and learn from anything, not just lectures or boring textbooks. I look at life as a learning experience and love it. As of right now, I am attending Utah State University with an undecided major between Public Anthropology and Journalism. This is my first semester but it's almost over (thank heavens haha) I am moving back to Salt Lake in about a week or so because right now, my parents are paying for school but I want to grow up and mature and pay for it myself. So once I can afford it I will be right back in school attending the U.
2) I don't have any certificates but I do know how to do the heimlich and I did nanny 2 summers ago for 3 children. Not to mention 5 years of random weekend babysitting gigs. But if that is something you feel strongly about then I could definitely take a class and get those for you and Sarah.
3) I am 18 years old. I will be 19 in March. But don't be deceived, I have the maturity, care and drive of a 25 year old with the fun of an 18 year old. Pretty nice mix if you ask me.
4) I am not married.
5) I do have a valid bank account. 
6) Being the youngest of 7 children, I got my fair share of bullying and buttons pressed. I was always the one who would get beaten up and picked on. But because of that I am one of the most calm and passive people you will ever meet. My sister, Rachel, who is right above me was diagnosed Bipolar about a year or two ago. But before we were able to get her medication, she would randomly come up to be and punch me in the face or start yelling at me and call me worthless but I didn't do anything back ever because I knew it wouldn't make anything better. I am very very good at keeping it cool. I almost never get mad. The only time I get really upset is if people mess with the ones I care about. I am super easy-going and the best way I deal with being stressed or upset is just finding the funny side of it and laughing about it.
7) My family used to own a Hogi Yogi in 2006 and I would work there as the person who would take the orders and man the cash register and drive-thru. Even being only 12 at the time, I was able to handle the money and be efficient at it without any trouble at all. I am very honest and trust-worthy. I see no benefit in being a scumbag.
8) My parents are supportive of the fact that I want to be completely independent and do things on my own, and since that involves getting a job, I'd say yes. They are very supportive. They are the ones that actually reccomended applying for a nanny position because I am super fun and love to play just like kids haha and also because I am very easily looked up to (if I be so bold) and am very good at leading without pushing.
9) When I move back to Salt Lake I will be living right on the boarder in Riverton/South Jordan. But as soon as I can I would like to rent an apartment closer to downtown Salt Lake.
10/11) I was homeschooled by my mom from kindergarten up until 9th grade and she was a pro at keeping us entertained and progressive. I would do my best to be for your daughter what my mom was for me. I think that Sarah's age is a very developmental one and she will need constant stimulation and fun-learning experiences. There is no way that I would just let her sit home and do nothing all day but watch tv and be lazy. Maybe once in a while, but we already have enough people in the world who are lazy. I would love to take her downtown and show her how life is. How people are and how the world works (in a way a 4 year old would understand). I would take her to places like Clark's Planitarium to learn about space, I would absolutely love to take her (if you would allow it) to The Road Home in downtown Salt Lake, which is a homeless shelter for families, so that she could meet and observe and play with kids who are her age but from a different background and in a totally different circumstance. I would help her with her homework and have her help me with cleaning and cooking so that she could learn and of course with no doubt have fun through all of this. There is no way I don't have fun when I am doing things. I believe in fun in all things. There is no reason anything should be boring. This is life afterall. The funnest, most amazing gift we are given. Why not have fun with it?
I hope I answered all of your questions. Again, thank you so much for responding! I would love to hear back from you and maybe set up a time where I can meet you and Sarah? I am very greatful and pumped for this chance at getting to know you, your daughter and your family. I think this may be more for me than it is for you or Sarah. I thank you once again.

-Sara Barlocker

P.S- I am really sorry to hear about your wife. I pray you and your family are doing well.

Douche Mr. Carriere emails back:


I got your email with the answers to my questions, I did appreciate it. It has helped me to make a decision. Please i want to understand that my daughter is still a little girl and she deserves all the care and love from you. I will be paying you for the first week before we arrive. My company will pay you by check, they are paying because they have agreed to be in charge after the death of my wife.


The payment will be in excess, cos the check will include your advance payment and my traveling ticket fare. When you get the check you will deduct your money out and keep the rest for my agent, so he could arrange for I and Jane's arrival. I want you to send me your full names and full detailed address so they can send the payment this week, because I and my daughter will be arriving on the 28th of December and you will start work on the 31st of December!


I am very happy that i found you and i want you to promise me that you will look after Jane and take her as your own girl too. I really appreciate your help. A picture of you would be nice,so i can show it to my daughter, i just hope she wont wrap you up..lol :) I attached Jane's pictures to this email. She enjoys listening to music, looking at books, watching DVDs, swinging outside, bike riding, shopping, going for walks, swimming, and playing on the computer. I'll get the address of my new home and give you all details after speaking with my agent.. For now, please confirm to me if you accept my offer to cater for my lovely girl. Please feel free to provide your following details for documentation and information for my company to send the check to you.


Full Name:
Current Address, City, State,Zip Code:
Phone Number:
Nationality:

Schedules:
Days/Hours Available
Monday: _______ to ______?

Tuesday: ______ to ______?
Wednesday: _______ to ______?
Thursday: _______ to ______?
Friday: _______to ______?
Saturday: _______ to ______?
Sunday: _____ to _____?
Best time to call: ______ to ______?


Also tell me how you want to fit in !!

Sincerely,
Reynaldo

Reynaldo sounds like a lovely father!!! 
He must really need a nanny because he wanted to hire my sis before she had even met him. 
Who needs to meet the person who will be taking care of your child? Not Reynaldo! As long as that person has a valid bank account, they are trustworthy!!!!!

This is a super long and awesome story so part II and III will be coming as soon I feel like it.

5 comments:

  1. "I was always the one who would get beaten up and picked on."

    ...Nope. Pretty sure that was me. Am I right?!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I laughed at that part too Megan...

    ReplyDelete
  3. more, NOW! please. i think i can take a couple of pointers from this guy when i'm hiring out for a nanny...NEVER.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I got a response EXACTLY like this one except he changed the names.

    ReplyDelete

Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.

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