Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Genius Kid Theory


Everyone I know with kids swears their offspring is a genius.




I've spent A LOT of time with HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of kids and have encountered only a small, small handful that I would consider geniuses.

I never understood why people were so convinced that their own kids were exceptionally smart.

Then I had Cryin Ryan.

Guess what!?!?
I think he might be a genius!!!!!

Not really.....
I've spent a lot of time considering why we all think our kids are so advanced.

Here is my theory:

We all expect our kids to be dumb. So any time they do something new, we are surprised and think they are the smartest kids ever.





So anytime Ryan does something clever I get all excited, even though millions of kids have done/said the exact same thing.

Most of us spend the most time with our own kids so we really can't have an objective view of our kids intellect, and neither can grandparents.... ok, mom???

I'm not arguing that people thinking their kids are super-smart is a bad thing.

It is in everyone's best interest that parents think their kids are amazing.
I'm also a big believer that ever kid is smart and amazing in their own way.

But lets be honest, most kids are not geniuses..... except Cryin' Ryan. He totally is.



video
 
Right!?!?

Monday, January 27, 2014

Best Lotions Ever


I'm obsessed with lotion.
I NEED it all the time.
I LOVE IT. 

Dry skin creeps me out.
When I travel someplace I know is going to be dry, I bring like, 6-8 bottles of moisturizer with me.
If I were stranded on a desert island, I would want lotion and Jared. In that order.

So after years of lotion obsession, I'm kind of a connoisseur of sorts.

The scent of the lotion is really important. I love clean, fresh scents that give others the illusion that I actually shower. 
Lotions also have to feel good. I don't want them to be all greasy, but I want to feel like I actually put some on. Those powdery finish lotions make me cringe.

Best Lotions under $15:






Nivea Smooth Sensations
$5 @ Walmart
- smells and feels clean, perfect for everyday use




Babyganics Cucumber and Aloe Lotion
$7.99 @ Babies R Us
- hands down the best smelling baby lotion ever, ever, ever.




True Blue Spa- Super Rich Hand Cream - Fragrance Free
$13 @ Bath and Body Works
- thick and luxurious. I have a stockpile of it at my mom's house in Utah for the dry summers.


Best lotions to buy when you are mad at your husband or want to splurge on something unnecessary:



Caudalie Nourishing Body Lotion
$30 @ Sephora 
- light and airy, scent is incredible, bottle lasted a long time



Bliss 24-heaven
$35 @ Sephora
 - super thick but not heavy or greasy, keeps skin moisturized and soft, smells light and clean





And last but not least, a picture I drew to brighten your day:


I call her LaQueefa.


Friday, January 24, 2014

Ice Machines and KFC


While pregnant with Ryan, I ate enormous amounts of Taco Bell food. There were spans of time I ate it daily.
I would order extra nacho cheese, then drink/lick it out of the little plastic cups it came in.
I was surprised Ryan wasn't born looking like a Mexican Pizza.




This pregnancy started out no different. I had constant morning sickness. The only thing that sounded remotely good was Taco Bell, even though I threw it up most of the time.

The past few months have been even more disgusting.
I can't remember the last time I ate fried food.
Oh wait, yes I do..... I eat it like the world is ending tomorrow. Pregnancy cravings are intense.




I have been eating Kentucky Fried Chicken regularly since November.


Hi, I'm Emily and I'm a KFC-aholic.



I also can't get enough crushed ice. I bought a snow cone machine from Costco and it was the best $40 I have ever spent.



I eat 7-10 glasses of it a day. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Its like crack cocaine. I HAVE to have it.
At least I haven't prostituted myself for a fix.... yet.

I literally just took a blogging break to go get more ice because writing about it made me crave it so bad.

If I ever go missing I'll probably be found huddled in an abandoned warehouse gnawing on chicken tenders and crushed ice.
Look for me there.
Ah-men.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

10 Things: Benefits of Having Elf/Gnome-Babies


After recent 3D ultrasound pictures, it's clear that Baby #2 is going to be a replica of Cryin Ryan.

Baby #2:


Cryin Ryan:




Here are a few good things about having elf/gnome babies:

1. They bake cookies in trees.



2. Most of the time they are pretty cute.



3. Elves have been popularized by the Dungeons & Dragons game.

4. They are very smart and attractive, but not physically strong.



5. In more recent folklore, they have been associated with Fairies and have a prepubescent look with no facial hair on males, but expect an unruly mess of hair by the time they're two-three months old.



6. They have a small stature and are young seemingly forever. Even though Ryan is turns 3 in April, he just barely grew into his size 2T clothes. He wore 0-3 month size clothes until he was 5 months old.



 7. They like to play, might be mischievous at times, but are essentially non malevolent.



8. They are generally very jovial.



9. They live under rocks and in forests, which is why they have light translucent skin.



10. They help in the garden and fix shoes at night.




Yay for elf/gnome babies!!!!

 
 
Some elf facts provided by:  http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Facts-About-Elves&id=5053069

Monday, January 20, 2014

Angel Wings and Elephants


I went shopping for a hoodie long enough to cover my jellybean shaped body. I found the perfect one at Victoria's Secret.

I brought it home and proudly showed Jared. I tried it on. He was clearly unimpressed.

He asked me:

First how old are you? Aren't you almost 30?

Second, are gold sequined wings on the back of your jacket a good idea when you're pregnant???




Maybe he has a point.
A sparkly, flying pregnant chick is not exactly the look I was going for.
Of course I had already washed and worn it, so I couldn't return it to the store.


I felt a little bit better wearing it around while I was visiting Utah for Christmas.
EVERYONE loves sequins and bedazzled clothing there. Even the men.
I have never seen so many glittering butts in all my life.  (Except for that one time I went to a Gay Rights Parade.)



I also bought a cute silk shirt from Lucky. I bought it a size bigger so I could wear it while pregnant. I clearly was not thinking ahead.
I don't know how I feel about wearing elephants when I kind of feel like one. I'm bigger than normal, and I stomp around all day looking for food and protecting my young.






From now on, I should probably shop in the maternity section. I don't think they have angel wings or elephants on any of their clothing.



Friday, January 17, 2014

Snowman Butt Craft


I wanted to make a mason jar snowglobe for Cryin Ryan. I couldn't find any cool figurines to put inside of it, so I bought some clay and made my own.




I made the big snowman. I also made the pieces for Ryan's smaller snowman, but he put it together by himself. He would tell me what to make and like the awesome mom I am, I would make it.

Which is why his snowman has extra snow for his cheeks and a green triangle Mohawk.
This is also why the small snowman has a butt.




Ryan insisted I make a bum. I guess butts are pretty essential body parts.

We baked the clay, put water and too much glitter in the mason jar, then added our snowmen. It was pretty amazing for $4.

Strangely enough, this was not the first time Ryan and I had sculpted butts onto inanimate holiday objects.

In October we carved pumpkins. Once again Ryan was adamant that I carve a bum on the back of it.







I have a hunch Ryan's Valentine's day cards are going to be awesome.
Amen.



Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Jared Turns 35!

I've always had a thing for older men.

Good thing since my husband is now officially in his mid-thirties. He is even starting to grow some grey hairs., which is fine with me.

Grey hair on men can be sexy. Just look at Mitt Romney and Dieter Uchtdorf:



Its my job as an awesome wife to make Jared's birthday's amazing, so when he came home from work, Pee-toddler and I greeted him in homemade birthday costumes, and screamed/growled the Happy Birthday song at him.



I know you're probably thinking, "that's amazing! It can't possibly get more amazing than that"..... but it does.

My costume was a little inappropriate so no pictures were taken.

Just imaging a 7 1/2 month pregnant chick in a bikini with ribbons and balloons taped in awkward places. You're welcome for that mental image.

We opened presents then Jared cooked his own shrimp birthday dinner. I offered to cook but Jared didn't want me messing up $30 of seafood. Whatever Jare-bear....

Then we did this for a while:



 

They next day we continued to celebrate Jared's Birthday with a trip to Santa Barbara and by buying Ryan a backpack (which he has worn 24/7 since we bought it).


 
 
 
 
There is nothing like walking up and down Main street and stepping over the drugged up homeless guys everywhere. 
 
Some random dude gave Ryan a balloon officially making Jared's Birthday trip incredible.
 
We ended the birthday weekend with a trip to Victoria's Secret and Sephora so I could buy some stuff I've been wanting. I'm sure Jared loved shopping for Ryan and I for his birthday.
 
I love my husband.
 
 

Monday, January 13, 2014

Pee-Toddler goes to Utah


Things I learned about Ryan during our trip to Utah in December:


Masking tape roads are great for airplane seat trays.





Heated floor tiles make the Toddler happy.






Uncle Jake lets Ryan eat entire bags of Cheetos, say the "F" word, and photobombs him. 





He is not a fan of the snow and/or cold.






Pee-Toddler is also not a fan of leashes.



 
Unsurprisingly, he IS a fan of pink strollers, frilly aprons, and running through the house giggling like a schoolgirl.




He likes to make Christmas cookies with his cousins and Grandma.
 
 
 
 
 
Ryan REALLY likes Santa.
 
 
 
And LOVES baby cousin Laura.
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 


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