Ettiquette with Emily: Class

Dear Emily,

I am obsessed with being classy. it is really important to me that everyone knows I am full of class.
I love to throw this word around sarcastically in every argument I ever have, because I am classy and everyone else is not. 

It's really frustrating that no matter how many times I tell people I'm classy, they just don't believe me!

I even had a poster of Audrey Hepburn hanging in my room!!!!!
(I didn't know who she was, but still....) I'm effin C-L-A-S-S-Y people!!!!

I know I've got buttloads of class, but how can I make everyone else notice?!?!?!
Help Please!!!

Dear person,

It is obvious that your main concern is having other people think you are classy. The easiest way to do this is to  actually act classy. 

Being classy is clearly not a priority of mine, but since I am a lot classier than you suspect yourself to be, here are a few things you can do:

  • Read a book. The more you know about other people, cultures, and history, the less likely you are to act like a moron. This will also help you realize that the universe does not revolve around you!

  • When you stay at your mom's house, Clean up after yourself and throw the bedding in the washer before you leave.  You are 24. Do your own dishes.

  • Don't insult babies. Especially don't do it on Facebook. When other people see the comment, "Classy" is not the first "C" word that comes to mind. Just because you think/observe something, does not mean you have to broadcast it.

  • Quit taking pictures of yourself with your food all the time. It's weird.

  • Don't tell people they are going to hell because their lifestyle or beliefs are different from yours.

  • Serve others. Volunteer for an organization or church you are passionate about. This is the best way to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

  • Say "Thank you."

  • Quit bragging about how you tried to breastfeed kittens..... it's not funny. It's creepy.

  • Take responsibility for the dumb things you do.

  • Be kind. Actually do something nice for someone besides yourself.

Adhere to this list and you will have a good start on your LONG pathway to classiness. 



  1. You always make me smile (and giggle and laugh until I could throw up). For me, I've been frowned on for blowing my nose in my cloth napkin at fancy restaurants. However, I once knew a guy that drew a map to his house on the tablecloth...with a sharpie. That's class!


  2. Your little feud is so funny. Best quote yet? Classy" is not the first "C" word that comes to mind.


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.