Fancy-Pants Phone

I ruined my favorite phone ever.

I was driving and threw up into a paper bag, which then fell through the bottom of the bag all over my lap, which is where I had my phone.

Cheese and crackers may or may not have had something to do with it.

Let's not get into that though.



Instead, let's talk about how fancy I feel with a new phone.

I was very sad to have to upgrade.
I am way too cool to care about how lame I look when I busted out my flip-phone.

I like to keep things simple and figured a smartphone would only complicate my life more. Plus, my disgusting/favorite brother, Jake, keeps begging me to get a smartphone so he can send me pictures of his poo in HD.

Plus, I really don't want to become one of those people who is more concerned with their phone than with the life that surrounds them.

I got the iPhone 4 from Verizon. It was Free with a 2 year contract.

I didn't necessarily want an iPhone but it is psychologically impossible for me to pay for something when I can get it for free.

I barely know how to use it and I probably won't learn anytime soon. I am too busy bug-hunting with Cryin' Ryan.


I feel so fancy I might even wear deodorant tomorrow.

P.S. The second Jake realized I had an iphone, he sent me a pic of his turd. I literally threw up.
I hate that guy.