Rotten Buttermilk

I can make cookies.

I can also whip up a mean box of Rice-a-Roni.
And if you every need anyone to make garlic breadsticks, I'm your girl.

Sadly, that is the extent of my prowess in the kitchen. 

Jared's grandma, Annette, makes amazing blueberry bran muffins. She is legally blind, so I figured if she can bake them, so can I.
She gave me her recipe.

I went to the store and bought everything I needed. I began my quest.

The recipe called for 1 cup of buttermilk. I have never used, seen, or tasted it.

I opened the box and poured it into the measuring cup. I caught a whiff of warm unpleasantness.
It smelt sour and rotten, like an old man's breath mixed with his butt.

It was weird because according to the date on the carton, it hadn't expired yet.

I took it back to Albertson's and complained that my buttermilk was rotten. The manager happily exchanged it and gave me a new one.

Back at home I opened up the new carton.

I drove unnecessarily fast back to Albertsons and asked for another new buttermilk with the furthest expiration date.

On my way home Jared called me. I went off about how Albertson's has nasty buttermilk and I had to go back twice because they were so foul.

That's when Jared told me - it's supposed to be that way.

Then he told me -

 "It's a good thing you're attractive, because you're pretty dumb".

I promptly sent an apology card to the Albertson's manager.



  1. Oh my goodness that is hilarious!!! :)

  2. Jared's comment "It's a good thing you're attractive, because you're pretty dumb". reminds me of all the times we'd be out being naughty and doing stupid stuff and I'd tell you "You better not get hurt, because without your face, you are worthless."


Speak with your heart or your private parts, either one is fine with me.